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Family Dispute MI child update
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743877" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Nomad.</p><p></p><p>I think that if you decide to host the party you have to be the one who takes responsibility, and not expect that others do so. Why? (I am not saying that anything would be your fault. Clearly these people are problematic.)</p><p></p><p>You know already a number of things:</p><p></p><p>You know that the child is destructive of things, and of people.</p><p></p><p>You know that the parents do not take responsibility to watch him sufficiently.</p><p></p><p>You know that the mother or father did not follow up to call you whether to apologize or to assure you that they would take responsibility. This pretty much to be telegraphs that they won't. This pretty much communicates to me that they perceive "you" to be the problem.</p><p></p><p>You know or suspect that your daughter in law and son do not take this as seriously as do you.</p><p></p><p>You see, you are not going into this blind. You pretty much know the motivations and the limits of each of the cast of characters.</p><p></p><p>You are making the choice to go ahead or not in a repeat. This is why I say, this is your responsibility. I used to say all of the time in my work: <em>Do tigers have stripes?</em> I would say this when people would complain about the repeated wrong-doings of people in their lives...What I meant to say was, people act from who and what they are. When we have the expectation that they do not, or will not, the issue is our own. To expect a tiger to act as an elephant, is not realistic.</p><p></p><p>Remember that saying, fool me once....? I mean something like that.</p><p></p><p>This is your decision.</p><p></p><p>If you have a repeat of the same circumstances on this second get together, will it have been worth it to you?</p><p></p><p>Will it be enough for you that you greatly pleased your husband and your son and helped to keep harmony in the family, and helped your daughter in law and son save face? Even if stuff is destroyed and your grandson might be hurt? Only you can decide.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743877, member: 18958"] Hi Nomad. I think that if you decide to host the party you have to be the one who takes responsibility, and not expect that others do so. Why? (I am not saying that anything would be your fault. Clearly these people are problematic.) You know already a number of things: You know that the child is destructive of things, and of people. You know that the parents do not take responsibility to watch him sufficiently. You know that the mother or father did not follow up to call you whether to apologize or to assure you that they would take responsibility. This pretty much to be telegraphs that they won't. This pretty much communicates to me that they perceive "you" to be the problem. You know or suspect that your daughter in law and son do not take this as seriously as do you. You see, you are not going into this blind. You pretty much know the motivations and the limits of each of the cast of characters. You are making the choice to go ahead or not in a repeat. This is why I say, this is your responsibility. I used to say all of the time in my work: [I]Do tigers have stripes?[/I] I would say this when people would complain about the repeated wrong-doings of people in their lives...What I meant to say was, people act from who and what they are. When we have the expectation that they do not, or will not, the issue is our own. To expect a tiger to act as an elephant, is not realistic. Remember that saying, fool me once....? I mean something like that. This is your decision. If you have a repeat of the same circumstances on this second get together, will it have been worth it to you? Will it be enough for you that you greatly pleased your husband and your son and helped to keep harmony in the family, and helped your daughter in law and son save face? Even if stuff is destroyed and your grandson might be hurt? Only you can decide. [/QUOTE]
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