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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 543699" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>The truth is... I just don't know! I arrived with the director screaming at her son and J quietly washing his hands at the sink. She wasn't going to say anything to me until I asked how the day had been for J. I am not at ALL sure this situation was primarily about J rather than her son - nothing tells me that. They play together and seem to egg each other on. I am sure J does a fair bit of the egging. Does J get under her skin? Maybe, but she said several times he is sweet. I haven't shared with this play centre that J has ADHD - I've never mentioned it. I just said tonight, in a conversation with one of the young assistants, that he is hyperactive (which can be interpreted various ways). He may or may not mention it to the director. </p><p>Part of this is cultural. If I'm honest, I think this is a bit of a storm in a tea cup. I asked them if J had bothered anyone, hurt anyone and they said "Oh no, no." It seems to be about not listening and not stopping when they are told to stop... French people expect more immediate obedience than some other cultures. Though of course it IS frustrating when a kid doesn't listen to you and I get frustrated by it with the best of them. But as the guy said to me several times, J is a good kid and tries to be helpful, so a lot of the not listening is not really about wilful disobedience as that he is fully engaged in what he is doing... I don't find it a problem for J to engage in play fighting, though there is always the danger he will go too far and hurt a kid (not deliberately). But, like I say, if they have made it a rule this time (they haven't other times, and the director isn't always there), then he needs to try to stick to that. </p><p>Following the advice of the psychiatrist, I have said to J that if he tries very hard tomorrow and they tell me at the end of the day he has listened, I will give him a surprise. She says reward him if I want his behaviour to change, not punish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 543699, member: 11227"] The truth is... I just don't know! I arrived with the director screaming at her son and J quietly washing his hands at the sink. She wasn't going to say anything to me until I asked how the day had been for J. I am not at ALL sure this situation was primarily about J rather than her son - nothing tells me that. They play together and seem to egg each other on. I am sure J does a fair bit of the egging. Does J get under her skin? Maybe, but she said several times he is sweet. I haven't shared with this play centre that J has ADHD - I've never mentioned it. I just said tonight, in a conversation with one of the young assistants, that he is hyperactive (which can be interpreted various ways). He may or may not mention it to the director. Part of this is cultural. If I'm honest, I think this is a bit of a storm in a tea cup. I asked them if J had bothered anyone, hurt anyone and they said "Oh no, no." It seems to be about not listening and not stopping when they are told to stop... French people expect more immediate obedience than some other cultures. Though of course it IS frustrating when a kid doesn't listen to you and I get frustrated by it with the best of them. But as the guy said to me several times, J is a good kid and tries to be helpful, so a lot of the not listening is not really about wilful disobedience as that he is fully engaged in what he is doing... I don't find it a problem for J to engage in play fighting, though there is always the danger he will go too far and hurt a kid (not deliberately). But, like I say, if they have made it a rule this time (they haven't other times, and the director isn't always there), then he needs to try to stick to that. Following the advice of the psychiatrist, I have said to J that if he tries very hard tomorrow and they tell me at the end of the day he has listened, I will give him a surprise. She says reward him if I want his behaviour to change, not punish. [/QUOTE]
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