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Fascination with violence
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 490548" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>by the way, J is the grand old age of five now!</p><p>Really agree with you about planting seeds, Star - I see how this operates with J, all the time. What one suggests to him he is he largely becomes... a useful tool for behaviour modification (when I can keep calm and clear enough to do it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) As for telling him that the picture was something anodyne and harmless: I think J is too intelligent and I not imaginative enough for that. My instinct is just to tell the truth, moderated for a young child and my own sense is that we can't protect children from harsh realities. This is someone who told J that Santa is not real, remember! (Rest assured, I am letting him go with the flow now we are living among Santa-ists) Anyway, I am not saying one way is right or wrong, just that we each must decide on what is the best way to deal with things.</p><p>Yes, probably some of my own projection/fear in that instance. </p><p>As to violence... I'm not (inevitably, after almost five years with J) that purist or sensitive to most of its forms. He plays with guns, pretends to shoot people, is constantly pretending to run people through with swords, etc. I might not "approve" in some abstract sense (but even then... I think a lot of this ritual violence among small boys is healthy, just the way it is, doesn't automatically translate to actual aggression) but there's no way I'm going to be able to stop J doing it - it is an extremely dominant part of his make-up, of what he brought with him. Knowing how ADHD plus kids can go in teenage years, yes, I do have certain fears about that for the future. If I had any professional help and input right now (despite all my efforts, I don't really have any....), I think this is what should be a priority. Getting J to contain and channel his aggressive instincts.</p><p>by the way, here is our conversation this morning about the picture:</p><p>Me: J, do you remember that picture we saw at the laboratory yesterday?</p><p>J: Yes.</p><p>Me: What was it?</p><p>J: Men kicking a girl.</p><p>Me: Why did they do that, do you think?</p><p>J: I don't know.</p><p>Me: What do you think the girl felt like?</p><p>J: Sad.</p><p>Me. Yes, I think so. Did she feel anything else?</p><p>J: Angry.</p><p>Me: Yes, I think she felt sad and angry. I think she also must have felt very afraid. What about the men, what did they feel like?</p><p>J: Naughty!</p><p>Me. Yes. Anything else?</p><p>J: Cross. </p><p>Me: Was it good for them to do that, do you think?</p><p>J: No. Why did they do it, Mummy?</p><p>Me: Because sometimes people do silly things. They don't think with their heads.</p><p>J: Me, I don't do naughty things!</p><p></p><p>So I just left it there...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 490548, member: 11227"] by the way, J is the grand old age of five now! Really agree with you about planting seeds, Star - I see how this operates with J, all the time. What one suggests to him he is he largely becomes... a useful tool for behaviour modification (when I can keep calm and clear enough to do it :)) As for telling him that the picture was something anodyne and harmless: I think J is too intelligent and I not imaginative enough for that. My instinct is just to tell the truth, moderated for a young child and my own sense is that we can't protect children from harsh realities. This is someone who told J that Santa is not real, remember! (Rest assured, I am letting him go with the flow now we are living among Santa-ists) Anyway, I am not saying one way is right or wrong, just that we each must decide on what is the best way to deal with things. Yes, probably some of my own projection/fear in that instance. As to violence... I'm not (inevitably, after almost five years with J) that purist or sensitive to most of its forms. He plays with guns, pretends to shoot people, is constantly pretending to run people through with swords, etc. I might not "approve" in some abstract sense (but even then... I think a lot of this ritual violence among small boys is healthy, just the way it is, doesn't automatically translate to actual aggression) but there's no way I'm going to be able to stop J doing it - it is an extremely dominant part of his make-up, of what he brought with him. Knowing how ADHD plus kids can go in teenage years, yes, I do have certain fears about that for the future. If I had any professional help and input right now (despite all my efforts, I don't really have any....), I think this is what should be a priority. Getting J to contain and channel his aggressive instincts. by the way, here is our conversation this morning about the picture: Me: J, do you remember that picture we saw at the laboratory yesterday? J: Yes. Me: What was it? J: Men kicking a girl. Me: Why did they do that, do you think? J: I don't know. Me: What do you think the girl felt like? J: Sad. Me. Yes, I think so. Did she feel anything else? J: Angry. Me: Yes, I think she felt sad and angry. I think she also must have felt very afraid. What about the men, what did they feel like? J: Naughty! Me. Yes. Anything else? J: Cross. Me: Was it good for them to do that, do you think? J: No. Why did they do it, Mummy? Me: Because sometimes people do silly things. They don't think with their heads. J: Me, I don't do naughty things! So I just left it there... [/QUOTE]
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