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father has no contact in almost 20 years
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 515252" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I split from the kids' dad over 20 years ago. He pretty much quit seeing both girls in around 1999, for various reasons (all of which he deemed my fault). I never tried to stop him from seeing them, and I never bad-mouthed him. Since then there have been various attempts by each girl to salvage the relationship, all of which have failed miserably. It always ends with him telling them how much they've f'd up their lives, and how it's all my fault. Oldest hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. Youngest tried again about a year ago, but when plans didn't materalize for her to visit him and his family (he lives about an hour away) he blasted her for "jerking" him around, and told her the only reason he'd wanted to attempt a reconciliation with her was because of the grandkids, he figured he could have a relationship with them even if he didn't have one with her. As far as she was concerned, that pretty much translated to, "I don't care about you or love you." She told him she would never let her kids be exposed to his emotional abuse like she was, and she was done. I was really proud of her for that, becuase she lived in fear of his abusive tirades for so long. Still, I know it's painful for both girls. They really feel the loss of not having a father, and never having one who was supportive in any way. It's definitely affected their choices in men and relationships. Took me a long time to accept that there was absolutely nothing I could do to help mend that broken bond. It's very sad. </p><p></p><p>His family hasn't had much to do with the girls in all those 20 some years. If (when) something happens to him, his wife or his sister can find the girls on Facebook to let them know. They're "friends" with them there (which is so ironic). I don't think they'd even know how to reach me, unless it was through a link to my own profile on the girls' Facebook pages.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 515252, member: 1157"] I split from the kids' dad over 20 years ago. He pretty much quit seeing both girls in around 1999, for various reasons (all of which he deemed my fault). I never tried to stop him from seeing them, and I never bad-mouthed him. Since then there have been various attempts by each girl to salvage the relationship, all of which have failed miserably. It always ends with him telling them how much they've f'd up their lives, and how it's all my fault. Oldest hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. Youngest tried again about a year ago, but when plans didn't materalize for her to visit him and his family (he lives about an hour away) he blasted her for "jerking" him around, and told her the only reason he'd wanted to attempt a reconciliation with her was because of the grandkids, he figured he could have a relationship with them even if he didn't have one with her. As far as she was concerned, that pretty much translated to, "I don't care about you or love you." She told him she would never let her kids be exposed to his emotional abuse like she was, and she was done. I was really proud of her for that, becuase she lived in fear of his abusive tirades for so long. Still, I know it's painful for both girls. They really feel the loss of not having a father, and never having one who was supportive in any way. It's definitely affected their choices in men and relationships. Took me a long time to accept that there was absolutely nothing I could do to help mend that broken bond. It's very sad. His family hasn't had much to do with the girls in all those 20 some years. If (when) something happens to him, his wife or his sister can find the girls on Facebook to let them know. They're "friends" with them there (which is so ironic). I don't think they'd even know how to reach me, unless it was through a link to my own profile on the girls' Facebook pages. [/QUOTE]
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