Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Father's day and resentments
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 539217" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>My father is 92 and lives in an apartment about 15 minutes from me. These past two years have been strained but I have tried to maintain a friendly relationship. It's always been a difficult relationship. He is an alcoholic and I came from a very dysfunctional family that I worked very hard to overcome. Things were going ok between us until they broke down Christmas 2010 when he insisted on serving alcohol to my sister and her family even though I expressed concern over difficult child just finishing rehab and it being a trigger. Words were exchanged and I have not spoken to my sister since. But I tried to maintain a relationship with dad because of his age and there was no use in having the last years of his life with hard feelings. It really was my sister who should have been more understanding about the whole thing anyway.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward to today. I made a steak and baked potato on the grill and easy child and I went to his apartment with that and his gift. His car was not there so I used my key to enter the security door and tried to use the other key to go into his apartment. The key didn't work, tried it several times. easy child suggested we drive up to the bar he usually goes to and sure enough he was there. Now understand he does not drink much at 92, a beer or two, and I could care less at this point. So we go in and he is at his special table that they reserve for all the old timers and he is surprised to see us. I asked him if he changed his locks and he said yes, that I never come over and when I do I never use the key so he decided to change it. I told him once again that I do not consider it polite to enter his apartment with my key when he is home out of respect for his privacy but evidently that doesn't make sense to him. He considers it rude on my part or something. </p><p></p><p>He then said he forgot my husband's birthday and didn't have his checkbook with him but he will mail a check tonight. I told him not to bother and that we did not want his money (he didn't forget, he has all the birthdays written in his wallet and looks at it all the time but I don't care).</p><p></p><p>He opened his present, a shirt and I put it in his car. I left the steak wrapped in foil on the table, kissed him on the cheek and left. He flipped his hand at us as we left in a dismissive and hurtful gesture.</p><p></p><p>Of course I was near tears for quite a while and easy child tried to cheer me up. I came home, made dinner for my husband and had a nice visit with easy child. And then I sat down and wrote him an email telling him just how hurtful his actions were to me and that I was glad my daughters have two parents who unconditionally love them no matter what and that I never felt that from him. His love was always based on who he liked at the time. I told him I was sorry he was spending his last years with so much bitterness and hate and that I saw his gesture towards me and it was hurtful. I told him he won and that if his goal was to let me know he didn't trust me anymore he accomplished it. I asked him to please not recognize mine or husband's birthdays anymore but I asked that he treat my daughters the same way he treats my sister's kids.</p><p></p><p>I thought about not sending it, that I should just let him have the last years of his life feeling however he wants and then I said no. Just because he is 92 does not give him the right to treat me or my family like **** and that if he wants nothing to do with us anymore that is fine. It was time I let him know the way I felt and the way his actions have hurt me.</p><p></p><p>I can't ever imagine treating my family the way he has treated us for so many years.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 539217, member: 59"] My father is 92 and lives in an apartment about 15 minutes from me. These past two years have been strained but I have tried to maintain a friendly relationship. It's always been a difficult relationship. He is an alcoholic and I came from a very dysfunctional family that I worked very hard to overcome. Things were going ok between us until they broke down Christmas 2010 when he insisted on serving alcohol to my sister and her family even though I expressed concern over difficult child just finishing rehab and it being a trigger. Words were exchanged and I have not spoken to my sister since. But I tried to maintain a relationship with dad because of his age and there was no use in having the last years of his life with hard feelings. It really was my sister who should have been more understanding about the whole thing anyway. Fast forward to today. I made a steak and baked potato on the grill and easy child and I went to his apartment with that and his gift. His car was not there so I used my key to enter the security door and tried to use the other key to go into his apartment. The key didn't work, tried it several times. easy child suggested we drive up to the bar he usually goes to and sure enough he was there. Now understand he does not drink much at 92, a beer or two, and I could care less at this point. So we go in and he is at his special table that they reserve for all the old timers and he is surprised to see us. I asked him if he changed his locks and he said yes, that I never come over and when I do I never use the key so he decided to change it. I told him once again that I do not consider it polite to enter his apartment with my key when he is home out of respect for his privacy but evidently that doesn't make sense to him. He considers it rude on my part or something. He then said he forgot my husband's birthday and didn't have his checkbook with him but he will mail a check tonight. I told him not to bother and that we did not want his money (he didn't forget, he has all the birthdays written in his wallet and looks at it all the time but I don't care). He opened his present, a shirt and I put it in his car. I left the steak wrapped in foil on the table, kissed him on the cheek and left. He flipped his hand at us as we left in a dismissive and hurtful gesture. Of course I was near tears for quite a while and easy child tried to cheer me up. I came home, made dinner for my husband and had a nice visit with easy child. And then I sat down and wrote him an email telling him just how hurtful his actions were to me and that I was glad my daughters have two parents who unconditionally love them no matter what and that I never felt that from him. His love was always based on who he liked at the time. I told him I was sorry he was spending his last years with so much bitterness and hate and that I saw his gesture towards me and it was hurtful. I told him he won and that if his goal was to let me know he didn't trust me anymore he accomplished it. I asked him to please not recognize mine or husband's birthdays anymore but I asked that he treat my daughters the same way he treats my sister's kids. I thought about not sending it, that I should just let him have the last years of his life feeling however he wants and then I said no. Just because he is 92 does not give him the right to treat me or my family like **** and that if he wants nothing to do with us anymore that is fine. It was time I let him know the way I felt and the way his actions have hurt me. I can't ever imagine treating my family the way he has treated us for so many years. Nancy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Father's day and resentments
Top