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<blockquote data-quote="Marcie Mac" data-source="post: 238423" data-attributes="member: 47"><p>KJS, when I was going to counceling alone (because dex had the view that this running to a therapist was an "American" thing and there was nothing wrong with HIM) I was told flat out that the boys were going to turn on me, and to get myself prepared for the fallout when their father was asked (then court ordered forced) to leave. On some level they knew our home had become very unhealthy -dex was drinking and extremely abusive - but they were "used" to it and didn't want it to change. They were 12 and 13 at the time. It was probably the most difficult time of my life transitionwise. My boys told me I was a major "B" for throwing their dad out daily, reinforced by their dad daily. It was a struggle to gain control back over my house, even after he left. Gradually we hit an even keel (well, as even as you can get with a difficult child in the mix) It was a long drawn out painful time for all of us.</p><p> </p><p>The one thing I constantly thought about during this time was "Is this what I want to have my boys learn about relationships between what was supposed to be a loving relationship in a marriage" And the answer was a resounding NO every time. I was viewed as an agressive B -comming home from long hours at work issuing orders and edicts - were they going to look at all women who stood their ground the same way - And the answer was a resounding YES unless I changed the dynamics.</p><p> </p><p>There is no quick fix to your problems. Its going to take two people on the same page to institute any change in the house with your difficult child. One counceling session isn't going to do anything - its going to be very hard to start peeling back the layers of your marriage to get to the bottom to even see if it is savable, whether alone or together. I know I found out a lot about myself during this time, and learned a lot about why I was the way I was. </p><p> </p><p>It was a good thing even though it was painful. </p><p> </p><p>Marcie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marcie Mac, post: 238423, member: 47"] KJS, when I was going to counceling alone (because dex had the view that this running to a therapist was an "American" thing and there was nothing wrong with HIM) I was told flat out that the boys were going to turn on me, and to get myself prepared for the fallout when their father was asked (then court ordered forced) to leave. On some level they knew our home had become very unhealthy -dex was drinking and extremely abusive - but they were "used" to it and didn't want it to change. They were 12 and 13 at the time. It was probably the most difficult time of my life transitionwise. My boys told me I was a major "B" for throwing their dad out daily, reinforced by their dad daily. It was a struggle to gain control back over my house, even after he left. Gradually we hit an even keel (well, as even as you can get with a difficult child in the mix) It was a long drawn out painful time for all of us. The one thing I constantly thought about during this time was "Is this what I want to have my boys learn about relationships between what was supposed to be a loving relationship in a marriage" And the answer was a resounding NO every time. I was viewed as an agressive B -comming home from long hours at work issuing orders and edicts - were they going to look at all women who stood their ground the same way - And the answer was a resounding YES unless I changed the dynamics. There is no quick fix to your problems. Its going to take two people on the same page to institute any change in the house with your difficult child. One counceling session isn't going to do anything - its going to be very hard to start peeling back the layers of your marriage to get to the bottom to even see if it is savable, whether alone or together. I know I found out a lot about myself during this time, and learned a lot about why I was the way I was. It was a good thing even though it was painful. Marcie [/QUOTE]
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