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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 238495" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>I haven't read the other replies, but I have some thoughts on this.</p><p> </p><p>You have EVERYTHING to gain by standing up for what you believe is right for you and your family. You are NOT being unreasonable in any way, shape or form with what you are asking for.</p><p> </p><p>Your difficult child is going to grouse and whine and complain a lot. That's tough. That's just plain tough. You are his MOM and your responsibility as a parent comes first. You are not his buddy. Your job is to ensure that he is educated both academically and in self-care. Leniency in chores and generosity in privileges teaches him nothing. You've already seen what comes of that in his huge sense of entitlement. Newsflash to HIM: The World Does NOT Revolve Around You!!!</p><p> </p><p>Kjs, your best decision is the one you've already made: to do what's right for yourself. You KNOW difficult child needs to be responsible. You KNOW that excessive computer and video game time is unreasonable. You KNOW that in life, we must all DO to GET. It's a very simple concept. The sooner difficult child learns it, the more peaceful life will be for everyone in your house.</p><p> </p><p>It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, but you need to detach from him when he starts to rant like that and just walk away. You don't have to sit there and listen to him carry on. Period. And you don't owe him any explanation. You are the parent and that's that. His reactivity is just an attempt to manipulate and get you to change your mind. DON'T. </p><p> </p><p>If it helps, pretend he is three again and trying to get away with something. Did you let him do it then? Probably not. So DON'T let him do it to you now. You are only defeated if you allow others to do that to you.</p><p> </p><p>Your therapist should be able to help you work some of this out, too. Give you some strategies for how to deal with the manipulative behaviors and stand your ground. It IS hard. But you have to do it or everybody loses. You lose your power and authority as the parent, and difficult child loses out on learning an important life lesson.</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there girl. It's going to be rough for a while, but it will be worth it in the end. You will have your dignity, your self respect, and your personal power. And your difficult child will have valuable life skills that will help him to function as a responsible adult, and he will respect you as his mother. It may not feel that way today, but one day it will.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, and as for Good-Time-Charlie aka Dad, eventually your son will grow up and realize that life isn't always about fun and games and getting your way no matter what. Dad's image will eventually tarnish and the cheap, superficial material that's underneath will be obvious. You, on the other hand, are pure gold because you are trying to do what you KNOW is the right thing to do. You may not be able to compete at the same level with the "fun" stuff Dad offers him now, but trust me, when difficult child is an adult he will SEE that you are the parent with substance and real value. You are the one who will have taught him what it means to be responsible human being. And he's going to be an adult a whole lot longer than he is the child he is now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 238495, member: 3444"] I haven't read the other replies, but I have some thoughts on this. You have EVERYTHING to gain by standing up for what you believe is right for you and your family. You are NOT being unreasonable in any way, shape or form with what you are asking for. Your difficult child is going to grouse and whine and complain a lot. That's tough. That's just plain tough. You are his MOM and your responsibility as a parent comes first. You are not his buddy. Your job is to ensure that he is educated both academically and in self-care. Leniency in chores and generosity in privileges teaches him nothing. You've already seen what comes of that in his huge sense of entitlement. Newsflash to HIM: The World Does NOT Revolve Around You!!! Kjs, your best decision is the one you've already made: to do what's right for yourself. You KNOW difficult child needs to be responsible. You KNOW that excessive computer and video game time is unreasonable. You KNOW that in life, we must all DO to GET. It's a very simple concept. The sooner difficult child learns it, the more peaceful life will be for everyone in your house. It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, but you need to detach from him when he starts to rant like that and just walk away. You don't have to sit there and listen to him carry on. Period. And you don't owe him any explanation. You are the parent and that's that. His reactivity is just an attempt to manipulate and get you to change your mind. DON'T. If it helps, pretend he is three again and trying to get away with something. Did you let him do it then? Probably not. So DON'T let him do it to you now. You are only defeated if you allow others to do that to you. Your therapist should be able to help you work some of this out, too. Give you some strategies for how to deal with the manipulative behaviors and stand your ground. It IS hard. But you have to do it or everybody loses. You lose your power and authority as the parent, and difficult child loses out on learning an important life lesson. Hang in there girl. It's going to be rough for a while, but it will be worth it in the end. You will have your dignity, your self respect, and your personal power. And your difficult child will have valuable life skills that will help him to function as a responsible adult, and he will respect you as his mother. It may not feel that way today, but one day it will. Oh, and as for Good-Time-Charlie aka Dad, eventually your son will grow up and realize that life isn't always about fun and games and getting your way no matter what. Dad's image will eventually tarnish and the cheap, superficial material that's underneath will be obvious. You, on the other hand, are pure gold because you are trying to do what you KNOW is the right thing to do. You may not be able to compete at the same level with the "fun" stuff Dad offers him now, but trust me, when difficult child is an adult he will SEE that you are the parent with substance and real value. You are the one who will have taught him what it means to be responsible human being. And he's going to be an adult a whole lot longer than he is the child he is now. [/QUOTE]
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