Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Feel Defeated already
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 238690" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Kjs, you have gotten some really, REALLY good advice here. </p><p> </p><p>In my opinion, your son is taking the path of least resistance, like any kid would. You want him to do school work ... his father apparently could care less ... so he sides with his father. You represent discipine, order and structure ... with his dad it's "do as you please". Your son is picking up the way he treats you from his father - a very bad example. And if it continues, he will treat other women in his life the same way that his father treats you - that's the role model he has had all his life and he knows no different. And you also don't know what his father may have told him about what is going on. Honey, your son doesn't 'hate' you! As some of the others have said, he sees change coming, and thats as frightening to him as it is to you.</p><p> </p><p>It was very much the same in our family, only the problem wasn't with my son, it was with my daughter. He treated the two of them so differently. His tactics didn't work on our son - he resented him and practically ignored him, but he catered to our daughter, always sided with her to keep her on his side. He did everything he could to alienate her from me, almost like he was punishing me somehow (he blamed everything on me) by taking her away from me, and nothing ever hurt me as much as that did! He was the 'good time guy' - I was the one with all the responsibility. She saw him as 'powerful' because he would rage till his face turned purple - they were both afraid to cross him. And she saw me as 'weak'. And it wasn't long before she was speaking to me in that same disrespectful tone that he used and relating to me the same way as he did! And Lord only knows what lies he may have told her about me! If ever there was a kid who 'hated' her mother, it was her! She was one miserable girl, and very, very fragile emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>It didn't happen overnight but once he was out of the house, once things settled down, she got a little better. When she went out on her own, when she was out from under his influence, she got A LOT better. And as age and maturity set in and as she started viewing things as an adult and not as a scared kid, her whole attitude changed! Now she sees him for exactly what he is! And now that she's very happily married herself to a wonderful guy, she can see how scr*wed up things really were at our house! Now she understands. And now, after all those years, I finally have my daughter back. And she never really 'hated' me, she was just scared and confused and very, very angry. </p><p> </p><p>I see it all so much clearer now than when I was in the middle of it. And I know now that when she unloaded all her rage on me for all those years, it was because I was 'safer'. She was afraid of her father and very unsure of him - she could never do that with him (even though it was really HIM that had upset her). But she KNEW that she could vent it all out on me and she knew that, even if what she said had hurt me terribly, I would still love her, no matter what. And I <em>did</em> ... and I still do. Does any of this sound familiar?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 238690, member: 1883"] Kjs, you have gotten some really, REALLY good advice here. In my opinion, your son is taking the path of least resistance, like any kid would. You want him to do school work ... his father apparently could care less ... so he sides with his father. You represent discipine, order and structure ... with his dad it's "do as you please". Your son is picking up the way he treats you from his father - a very bad example. And if it continues, he will treat other women in his life the same way that his father treats you - that's the role model he has had all his life and he knows no different. And you also don't know what his father may have told him about what is going on. Honey, your son doesn't 'hate' you! As some of the others have said, he sees change coming, and thats as frightening to him as it is to you. It was very much the same in our family, only the problem wasn't with my son, it was with my daughter. He treated the two of them so differently. His tactics didn't work on our son - he resented him and practically ignored him, but he catered to our daughter, always sided with her to keep her on his side. He did everything he could to alienate her from me, almost like he was punishing me somehow (he blamed everything on me) by taking her away from me, and nothing ever hurt me as much as that did! He was the 'good time guy' - I was the one with all the responsibility. She saw him as 'powerful' because he would rage till his face turned purple - they were both afraid to cross him. And she saw me as 'weak'. And it wasn't long before she was speaking to me in that same disrespectful tone that he used and relating to me the same way as he did! And Lord only knows what lies he may have told her about me! If ever there was a kid who 'hated' her mother, it was her! She was one miserable girl, and very, very fragile emotionally. It didn't happen overnight but once he was out of the house, once things settled down, she got a little better. When she went out on her own, when she was out from under his influence, she got A LOT better. And as age and maturity set in and as she started viewing things as an adult and not as a scared kid, her whole attitude changed! Now she sees him for exactly what he is! And now that she's very happily married herself to a wonderful guy, she can see how scr*wed up things really were at our house! Now she understands. And now, after all those years, I finally have my daughter back. And she never really 'hated' me, she was just scared and confused and very, very angry. I see it all so much clearer now than when I was in the middle of it. And I know now that when she unloaded all her rage on me for all those years, it was because I was 'safer'. She was afraid of her father and very unsure of him - she could never do that with him (even though it was really HIM that had upset her). But she KNEW that she could vent it all out on me and she knew that, even if what she said had hurt me terribly, I would still love her, no matter what. And I [I]did[/I] ... and I still do. Does any of this sound familiar? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Feel Defeated already
Top