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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 239418" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Here's a tip on the homework. </p><p> </p><p>Call your sons teacher. Tell her that you work 2 jobs and are gone a lot, but you and your husband do have email. Would she please help you by emailing your sons necessary assignments/homework to be completed each night so there is NO doubt and NO more lies about what is to be done. Also you and dad will sign each paper that he completes. </p><p> </p><p>Then you and your husband need to stand with your son sitting down and together tell him very matter of factly that starting Monday you and Dad will know all of his assignments/homework that is to be completed every night. You will be getting ALL of his necessary assignments via email. </p><p> </p><p>This makes the responsiblity of HOMEWORK the responsibility of your son. If it's not done? It's not your hubby's fault - it's the kids. It eliminates an argument and feelings that you are going to "start" something. You're not starting anything - you said to your son "We know what you have to do each night, no questions", Youre telling your husband - You know what? If he does his work on this email (print it out or ask teacher to CC your hubby's email) - he's doing what the teacher said he was to do, if he does not? He fails the class and repeats the 5th grade. That's on him and should not be a war between US. It also tells your hubby that there will be no more looks or yelling over homework - it's your sons responsibility.....</p><p> </p><p>You could make it a rule, with consequence and reward......but in our house we said the Rule was do your work, the consequence was - repeat that grade, the reward was - and education. My Mother NEVER stressed over my homework.....I just knew - the reality of the situation was - what it was. Flunking....and the embarassment of repeating that grade because I goofed off. If he doesn't understand the work or it's too hard? Get him an after school or in-school tutor - he could do that instead of recess each DAY! (fun huh?) Or put him in an a self containted class via an IEP, or if he needs testing? Ask the school for Learning Disability (Learning Disability (LD)) testing. But if he gets it and is goofing off? His problem. Maybe his third go-round in his grade while his friends are going to graduate two years earlier than him would say something???</p><p> </p><p>Any house rules need consequences and rewards....maybe you can work on that in therapy - and some maybe like 3 chores with rewards and consequences that your son could do - we always made one chore something that was very easy, something that he may have already been doing so that he could get at least one reward. </p><p> </p><p>Consequences and rewards need to be short term too - our difficult child's don't get long term goals - that's why right now graduation 2 years behind his peers is NOT a problem - He can't see that picture - He can't even fathom failing his grade, BUT he can see staying after school every day to work on homework he did not do..the day before.....with a tutor.......who has a long crooked nose and a wart, and a broom. (okay she doesn't have a broom) </p><p> </p><p>As far as taking him to the gym? Great idea if there is someone there that can work with him ONE on One....ask about someone that could make HIM the center of their world for 15 -30 minutes - or mentor him regarding something HE would like to do. I abhore basketball - hate it with a passion. My dad and sis? Excellent at it....but if they always said "Hey we're going to the gym to play basketball?" OMG I would have NEVER gone.....I loved swimming and found a stress outlet in that....love to swim.....loved gymnastics....Find out what your local YMCA has and get him interested in something - let him try it all out - maybe he'd like archery or karate, or BMX racing....not walking on a treadmill. Or in my case "hoops" ugh. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps - I really think you are starting to get organized here and that is SO fantastic! Keep up the good work......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 239418, member: 4964"] Here's a tip on the homework. Call your sons teacher. Tell her that you work 2 jobs and are gone a lot, but you and your husband do have email. Would she please help you by emailing your sons necessary assignments/homework to be completed each night so there is NO doubt and NO more lies about what is to be done. Also you and dad will sign each paper that he completes. Then you and your husband need to stand with your son sitting down and together tell him very matter of factly that starting Monday you and Dad will know all of his assignments/homework that is to be completed every night. You will be getting ALL of his necessary assignments via email. This makes the responsiblity of HOMEWORK the responsibility of your son. If it's not done? It's not your hubby's fault - it's the kids. It eliminates an argument and feelings that you are going to "start" something. You're not starting anything - you said to your son "We know what you have to do each night, no questions", Youre telling your husband - You know what? If he does his work on this email (print it out or ask teacher to CC your hubby's email) - he's doing what the teacher said he was to do, if he does not? He fails the class and repeats the 5th grade. That's on him and should not be a war between US. It also tells your hubby that there will be no more looks or yelling over homework - it's your sons responsibility..... You could make it a rule, with consequence and reward......but in our house we said the Rule was do your work, the consequence was - repeat that grade, the reward was - and education. My Mother NEVER stressed over my homework.....I just knew - the reality of the situation was - what it was. Flunking....and the embarassment of repeating that grade because I goofed off. If he doesn't understand the work or it's too hard? Get him an after school or in-school tutor - he could do that instead of recess each DAY! (fun huh?) Or put him in an a self containted class via an IEP, or if he needs testing? Ask the school for Learning Disability (Learning Disability (LD)) testing. But if he gets it and is goofing off? His problem. Maybe his third go-round in his grade while his friends are going to graduate two years earlier than him would say something??? Any house rules need consequences and rewards....maybe you can work on that in therapy - and some maybe like 3 chores with rewards and consequences that your son could do - we always made one chore something that was very easy, something that he may have already been doing so that he could get at least one reward. Consequences and rewards need to be short term too - our difficult child's don't get long term goals - that's why right now graduation 2 years behind his peers is NOT a problem - He can't see that picture - He can't even fathom failing his grade, BUT he can see staying after school every day to work on homework he did not do..the day before.....with a tutor.......who has a long crooked nose and a wart, and a broom. (okay she doesn't have a broom) As far as taking him to the gym? Great idea if there is someone there that can work with him ONE on One....ask about someone that could make HIM the center of their world for 15 -30 minutes - or mentor him regarding something HE would like to do. I abhore basketball - hate it with a passion. My dad and sis? Excellent at it....but if they always said "Hey we're going to the gym to play basketball?" OMG I would have NEVER gone.....I loved swimming and found a stress outlet in that....love to swim.....loved gymnastics....Find out what your local YMCA has and get him interested in something - let him try it all out - maybe he'd like archery or karate, or BMX racing....not walking on a treadmill. Or in my case "hoops" ugh. Hope this helps - I really think you are starting to get organized here and that is SO fantastic! Keep up the good work...... [/QUOTE]
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