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Feeling a little melancholy........
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622130" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is all so new, Recovering. It is best to take it slow, and you are doing that. It is best to be clear without being judgmental, and you are doing that. I think the uncomfortable part is staying present with the understanding that you don't know how this is all going to look. For me anyway, that need to bring a sense of order and rightness to difficult child chaos has been a key piece of why I enable. Clearing those feeling of somehow Responsible, of Guilty, of putting things right again before something worse happens, along with undoing the old habits of anger and blame, of shame and frustration is a really, really hard thing, Recovering. You must be processing information at the speed of light, down there in the psyche where the earth meets the sky. Could it be that the sense of melancholy you feel, though the conversations have been good ones, has to do with the strength it takes to let go of so many things basic to who you are? </p><p></p><p>You are no longer consciously holding back, and therefore, distracted by, anger or any of its components. You are holding steady and strong in the face of a gently but insistently rising wind. That takes oh, so much continual energy. </p><p></p><p>It's a fine, fine balance point, Recovering. Like a dancer on pointe or a ship in full sail, every smallest part of you is balancing, balancing....</p><p></p><p>Courage, bravery, time and more time, with no comforting, rebalancing release of emotion. </p><p></p><p>Though it feels so deceptively calm, this is a time of intense pressure for you, Recovering. You are still requiring yourself to balance all other things in your life too, without allowing that steadily rising wind to make a ripple on the surface.</p><p></p><p>What you are doing takes almost super human strength, Recovering. Like that dancer on pointe we mentioned earlier?</p><p></p><p>It only looks easy.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622130, member: 17461"] This is all so new, Recovering. It is best to take it slow, and you are doing that. It is best to be clear without being judgmental, and you are doing that. I think the uncomfortable part is staying present with the understanding that you don't know how this is all going to look. For me anyway, that need to bring a sense of order and rightness to difficult child chaos has been a key piece of why I enable. Clearing those feeling of somehow Responsible, of Guilty, of putting things right again before something worse happens, along with undoing the old habits of anger and blame, of shame and frustration is a really, really hard thing, Recovering. You must be processing information at the speed of light, down there in the psyche where the earth meets the sky. Could it be that the sense of melancholy you feel, though the conversations have been good ones, has to do with the strength it takes to let go of so many things basic to who you are? You are no longer consciously holding back, and therefore, distracted by, anger or any of its components. You are holding steady and strong in the face of a gently but insistently rising wind. That takes oh, so much continual energy. It's a fine, fine balance point, Recovering. Like a dancer on pointe or a ship in full sail, every smallest part of you is balancing, balancing.... Courage, bravery, time and more time, with no comforting, rebalancing release of emotion. Though it feels so deceptively calm, this is a time of intense pressure for you, Recovering. You are still requiring yourself to balance all other things in your life too, without allowing that steadily rising wind to make a ripple on the surface. What you are doing takes almost super human strength, Recovering. Like that dancer on pointe we mentioned earlier? It only looks easy. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Feeling a little melancholy........
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