Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Feeling bad....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 390664"><p>I come at this topic from a somewhat different vantage point: I'm the uncle of a difficult child, not a parent. I can tell you that when a difficult child grossly wrongs someone close to you--steals, brutalizes verbally or physically, assaults, what have you--they will expect you to do something about it, to enact some sort of consequence that acknowledges what difficult child did and punishes him for it. If you don't do that--if you simply hit "reset" and hope things will just change organically via the fresh start you've provided for the difficult child, the wronged friend/family member is going to become angry at *you* as well as the difficult child. People--especially family members--want your child to get better, but they also want to see some kind of justice enacted--an appropriate consequence of some kind, for instance. If you don't do this, and especially if you simply proceed as if the difficult child's act against family member or friend never happened, you're going to end up with some friends/neighbors/family members very angry at you, even though difficult child committed the wrong, not you.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child nephew's mother (i.e., my sister) simply hit "reset" over and over and over again, even giving him his ample weekly allowance mere hours after his gross misbehaviors (rages, vile name-calling and rants, assaults, menacing, theft, etc) toward me and others, and it finally became so toxic that it simply destroyed my relationship with her. I understand, I really do, a parent's whopping love for a child and willingness to forgive, hit "reset," etc, but you've got to deliver some consequences/justice too, especially when the difficult child wrongs others, or you'll gradually lose friends, neighbors, and even family members. Never-ending denial and enabling simply angers and alienates family and community members.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 390664"] I come at this topic from a somewhat different vantage point: I'm the uncle of a difficult child, not a parent. I can tell you that when a difficult child grossly wrongs someone close to you--steals, brutalizes verbally or physically, assaults, what have you--they will expect you to do something about it, to enact some sort of consequence that acknowledges what difficult child did and punishes him for it. If you don't do that--if you simply hit "reset" and hope things will just change organically via the fresh start you've provided for the difficult child, the wronged friend/family member is going to become angry at *you* as well as the difficult child. People--especially family members--want your child to get better, but they also want to see some kind of justice enacted--an appropriate consequence of some kind, for instance. If you don't do this, and especially if you simply proceed as if the difficult child's act against family member or friend never happened, you're going to end up with some friends/neighbors/family members very angry at you, even though difficult child committed the wrong, not you. My difficult child nephew's mother (i.e., my sister) simply hit "reset" over and over and over again, even giving him his ample weekly allowance mere hours after his gross misbehaviors (rages, vile name-calling and rants, assaults, menacing, theft, etc) toward me and others, and it finally became so toxic that it simply destroyed my relationship with her. I understand, I really do, a parent's whopping love for a child and willingness to forgive, hit "reset," etc, but you've got to deliver some consequences/justice too, especially when the difficult child wrongs others, or you'll gradually lose friends, neighbors, and even family members. Never-ending denial and enabling simply angers and alienates family and community members. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Feeling bad....
Top