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Feeling hopeless....
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 623374" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Welcome to the site, Mom. </p><p></p><p>Mom, this site is read by many. To protect your anonymity, may I suggest a different avatar?</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your daughter is having these troubles, Mom. There are many opinions as to how the situations developed with our kids, and just as many opinions on what is the best way to help her, now. It will help you to read in Substance Abuse forum too, Mom. </p><p></p><p>Have you read the article on detachment pinned to the top of the Parent Emeritus thread? I think you will find it helpful. </p><p></p><p>Your child is very young. Though you believe you have no power here Mom, right this minute you have all the power in the world. Daughter is broke, soon to be homeless, and without money. She has no choice really, but to do as you suggest. </p><p></p><p>This is the time when you have the power to require her to go into treatment. </p><p></p><p>Very few people trapped in their addictions freely admit that is the problem. </p><p></p><p>I think it would be helpful for you to invite the troubled daughter for dinner, making her attendance mandatory. Have one of the brothers pick her up, if necessary. At dinner (and the grandparents need to be there, too) the family should confront this troubled daughter. </p><p></p><p>No treatment, no family.</p><p></p><p>Daughter will not admit she needs treatment. What she says is not the issue. The issue is that unless she enters treatment, no family assistance of any kind.</p><p></p><p>This may be one of the few times daughter is at a low enough point that you can actually help her, Mom. </p><p> </p><p>Our difficult children are trapped in a horrible place. They are good people being destroyed by addictive drugs, by alcohol. Blaming them for that does no good ~ but neither does coddling the child or ignoring the seriousness of the situation.</p><p> </p><p>Something similar happened with our son, Mom. By the time we snapped out of it and realized it <u>was</u> drugs, the time when we might have forced treatment was past.</p><p></p><p>Addicted people lie, Mom.</p><p></p><p>They don't look like what we think of as drug addicts. Not yet, they don't. So, we believe them.</p><p></p><p>But addicted people lie, Mom.</p><p></p><p>Believe what your intuition is telling you. You are right.</p><p></p><p>This child needs treatment. </p><p></p><p>You and your family need support too, Mom. Al Anon, this site, NAMI ~ those are all good references. Another thing you can do is contact your county's Social Services department. You can refuse to give your name if you like. Explain your child's situation and ask for information regarding treatment for her and how to fund it. They will be knowledgeable, and will help you know how to begin.</p><p></p><p>Though that information will probably need to be via Private Message, Substance Abuse forum here will be a wealth of information for you regarding treatment and funding options other parents have used.</p><p></p><p>You aren't alone with it anymore, Mom. Each of us has been in that same desperate, lonely place you are, today. Don't lose hope, Mom. There is every chance in the world that your daughter can recover and reclaim her life. But the first step has to be recognition of the problem.</p><p></p><p>Then, the family has to circle the wagons around this child, to save her.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting, Mom. It helps me so much to post. Each of us has something to teach, has something to learn. It is a lonely, frightening thing, to have an addicted child.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 623374, member: 17461"] Welcome to the site, Mom. Mom, this site is read by many. To protect your anonymity, may I suggest a different avatar? I am sorry your daughter is having these troubles, Mom. There are many opinions as to how the situations developed with our kids, and just as many opinions on what is the best way to help her, now. It will help you to read in Substance Abuse forum too, Mom. Have you read the article on detachment pinned to the top of the Parent Emeritus thread? I think you will find it helpful. Your child is very young. Though you believe you have no power here Mom, right this minute you have all the power in the world. Daughter is broke, soon to be homeless, and without money. She has no choice really, but to do as you suggest. This is the time when you have the power to require her to go into treatment. Very few people trapped in their addictions freely admit that is the problem. I think it would be helpful for you to invite the troubled daughter for dinner, making her attendance mandatory. Have one of the brothers pick her up, if necessary. At dinner (and the grandparents need to be there, too) the family should confront this troubled daughter. No treatment, no family. Daughter will not admit she needs treatment. What she says is not the issue. The issue is that unless she enters treatment, no family assistance of any kind. This may be one of the few times daughter is at a low enough point that you can actually help her, Mom. Our difficult children are trapped in a horrible place. They are good people being destroyed by addictive drugs, by alcohol. Blaming them for that does no good ~ but neither does coddling the child or ignoring the seriousness of the situation. Something similar happened with our son, Mom. By the time we snapped out of it and realized it [U]was[/U] drugs, the time when we might have forced treatment was past. Addicted people lie, Mom. They don't look like what we think of as drug addicts. Not yet, they don't. So, we believe them. But addicted people lie, Mom. Believe what your intuition is telling you. You are right. This child needs treatment. You and your family need support too, Mom. Al Anon, this site, NAMI ~ those are all good references. Another thing you can do is contact your county's Social Services department. You can refuse to give your name if you like. Explain your child's situation and ask for information regarding treatment for her and how to fund it. They will be knowledgeable, and will help you know how to begin. Though that information will probably need to be via Private Message, Substance Abuse forum here will be a wealth of information for you regarding treatment and funding options other parents have used. You aren't alone with it anymore, Mom. Each of us has been in that same desperate, lonely place you are, today. Don't lose hope, Mom. There is every chance in the world that your daughter can recover and reclaim her life. But the first step has to be recognition of the problem. Then, the family has to circle the wagons around this child, to save her. Please keep posting, Mom. It helps me so much to post. Each of us has something to teach, has something to learn. It is a lonely, frightening thing, to have an addicted child. I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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