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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 584743" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Welcome ILMS. You didn't do anything wrong. Many of our difficult children were difficult from very early on in their life, mine included. We knew when she was two years old that something was wrong because her tantrums were far more serious than other two year old tantrums. It wasn't long before we realized as she got older the problems would get more serious. So you are left trying to figure out which came first, the behavior that led to drug use or drug use, and in our situation and yours the answer is obvious. </p><p></p><p>But now you are faced with trying to figure out where to go from here. He is an adult in the eyes of the law and making choices that will follow him forever. Of course he has the maturity of a 13 year old, that is when he began using drugs. Maturity stops at the age where drug use is begun and doesn't begin to catch up until that drug use is stopped.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you not allowing him back in your home and telling him he needs to go to rehab. Allowing him back in your home will only start the cycle back over again. We went through it all, sending our daughter to rehab, letting her come back home, kicking our daughter out after she relapsed, having her stay with her drug friends for months, her begging to come back home, refusing to allow that and eventually she went to live in a sober house and is now living on her own. We just could no longer live with our money and credit cards under our pillow and one eye open all night. I don't know wether she is still smoking pot but she has a job and is paying her bills and we get along much better now. Yes she still drinks and that is a worry because it has gotten her in trouble before and I fear will again. She is a magnet to all the bad kids and lives life on the edge. But she is now 21 and I do see some maturity coming in small steps.</p><p></p><p>I would tell your son that you will support him in getting help but that he cannot come back there to live and be ready to follow through on that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 584743, member: 59"] Welcome ILMS. You didn't do anything wrong. Many of our difficult children were difficult from very early on in their life, mine included. We knew when she was two years old that something was wrong because her tantrums were far more serious than other two year old tantrums. It wasn't long before we realized as she got older the problems would get more serious. So you are left trying to figure out which came first, the behavior that led to drug use or drug use, and in our situation and yours the answer is obvious. But now you are faced with trying to figure out where to go from here. He is an adult in the eyes of the law and making choices that will follow him forever. Of course he has the maturity of a 13 year old, that is when he began using drugs. Maturity stops at the age where drug use is begun and doesn't begin to catch up until that drug use is stopped. I agree with you not allowing him back in your home and telling him he needs to go to rehab. Allowing him back in your home will only start the cycle back over again. We went through it all, sending our daughter to rehab, letting her come back home, kicking our daughter out after she relapsed, having her stay with her drug friends for months, her begging to come back home, refusing to allow that and eventually she went to live in a sober house and is now living on her own. We just could no longer live with our money and credit cards under our pillow and one eye open all night. I don't know wether she is still smoking pot but she has a job and is paying her bills and we get along much better now. Yes she still drinks and that is a worry because it has gotten her in trouble before and I fear will again. She is a magnet to all the bad kids and lives life on the edge. But she is now 21 and I do see some maturity coming in small steps. I would tell your son that you will support him in getting help but that he cannot come back there to live and be ready to follow through on that. [/QUOTE]
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