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Feeling sad and anxious today
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 749085" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta,</p><p></p><p>I appreciate what you said in that "we remember them before...." I truly think that's what I clinged to and kept hoping that the next thing I did for them is what would make the difference in turning their lives around. But I did this over and over again, paying security deposits, rent, buying used vehicles, paying for food...the list goes on. All I've done is post-pone the inevidabal in that my sons are going to have to take care of themselves or NOT but I have to leave it up to them. It's just becomes physically, mentally and emotionally impossible.</p><p></p><p>Always good to refresh my mind with the following:</p><p></p><p>What is detachment?</p><p>Detachment is the:</p><p>* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.</p><p>* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.</p><p>* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.</p><p>* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.</p><p>* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.</p><p>* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.</p><p>* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.</p><p>* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.</p><p>* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.</p><p>* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.</p><p>* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.</p><p>* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 749085, member: 23405"] Beta, I appreciate what you said in that "we remember them before...." I truly think that's what I clinged to and kept hoping that the next thing I did for them is what would make the difference in turning their lives around. But I did this over and over again, paying security deposits, rent, buying used vehicles, paying for food...the list goes on. All I've done is post-pone the inevidabal in that my sons are going to have to take care of themselves or NOT but I have to leave it up to them. It's just becomes physically, mentally and emotionally impossible. Always good to refresh my mind with the following: What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational. * Giving another person "the space" to be herself. * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. [/QUOTE]
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