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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705433" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Honestly, feeling. he is an adult. An adult should be responsible. I know our kids are not, to one degree or another, but that does not mean we should be their victims, allow it. If we do, that is enabling. It cannot be good for them. To deal with their problems by targeting us.</p><p></p><p>My son does it too. I am trying to speak up for myself. They do it to get the pain outside of themselves. I get it. But I do not want it. There are other ways to deal with pain. Rather than inflict it on mothers.</p><p> As long as you are frightened for him and do not defend yourself, you cannot win. You are not winning against him. That is a false construction. You win for both of you. To not accept being beaten down is to win for everybody. Because then middle son will have to find a way to engage with life and to feel better.</p><p></p><p>He will have no other choice because you will remove the option of destructive behavior towards you.</p><p>No. I care about you.</p><p>But not to belabor the point. He did assert aggressively, I remember, that it was his house and he cut the yard in enough. I thought their was retaliation involved. Delusion or not I see him aggressively taking over your yard and destroying it. I do not hold him responsible. That is different. But I see it as destructive.</p><p></p><p>Feeling. You do yourself no favors by protecting either one of your sons, by not calling it what it is.</p><p></p><p>Your eldest destroyed your yard, while delusional. While he did not intend it in the sense that he would have had before he became ill, he meant it. He was driven by forces beyond his rational understanding to destroy your beautiful little cottage. Destroying is destroying. As I remember, he was mad. He was mad to the point of destroying your yard. Eventually he was on the verge of destroying you. These are facts.</p><p></p><p>Feeling. You are worth protecting. Especially by yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705433, member: 18958"] Honestly, feeling. he is an adult. An adult should be responsible. I know our kids are not, to one degree or another, but that does not mean we should be their victims, allow it. If we do, that is enabling. It cannot be good for them. To deal with their problems by targeting us. My son does it too. I am trying to speak up for myself. They do it to get the pain outside of themselves. I get it. But I do not want it. There are other ways to deal with pain. Rather than inflict it on mothers. As long as you are frightened for him and do not defend yourself, you cannot win. You are not winning against him. That is a false construction. You win for both of you. To not accept being beaten down is to win for everybody. Because then middle son will have to find a way to engage with life and to feel better. He will have no other choice because you will remove the option of destructive behavior towards you. No. I care about you. But not to belabor the point. He did assert aggressively, I remember, that it was his house and he cut the yard in enough. I thought their was retaliation involved. Delusion or not I see him aggressively taking over your yard and destroying it. I do not hold him responsible. That is different. But I see it as destructive. Feeling. You do yourself no favors by protecting either one of your sons, by not calling it what it is. Your eldest destroyed your yard, while delusional. While he did not intend it in the sense that he would have had before he became ill, he meant it. He was driven by forces beyond his rational understanding to destroy your beautiful little cottage. Destroying is destroying. As I remember, he was mad. He was mad to the point of destroying your yard. Eventually he was on the verge of destroying you. These are facts. Feeling. You are worth protecting. Especially by yourself. [/QUOTE]
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