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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705446" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You are talking about your middle son, here.</p><p></p><p>Feeling, what control do you have now? Tell me that. Right now you have the illusion of control. That if you tolerate anything and everything from him...he will keep open the lines of communication...if for nothing else to abuse you, so as to feel better himself.</p><p></p><p>But that is an illusion, the sense that by accepting this, he will continue to keep contact. If he really wanted a reciprocal relationship he would give you his address. He does not want this. He wants his rules.</p><p></p><p>Maybe this is all he can tolerate right now, that is true.</p><p></p><p>But sticking up for yourself might be the key to his ability to tolerating more for himself and between you. I can only imagine how difficult this would be, given the circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Remember, though, my own child is my only child. We are all of us in the same, horrible boat. Only varying degrees of horribleness.</p><p> I get this. It is the elephant in the room. A way to feel you caused it. Except the faulty premise in the logic is that all of us to some extent cause everything in our lives. My son blames me for his life and the way he feels, because I adopted him. And says:</p><p></p><p>You should not have adopted me. You should have known. You should have adopted another child without all of the problems I have. It is your fault.</p><p></p><p>To follow the logic of "you caused it" would be to say none of us should procreate. Because life is painful and then it ends. For everybody, life is a losing game. Because you die in the end.</p><p></p><p>If you had not had children, your younger son would not have achieved the success and the happiness he is achieving; his achievements would not have the benefit of his having lived and created. From everything you write about him and your other sons, they are brilliant.</p><p></p><p>I have read that schizophrenia is an adaptation, an evolutionary adaptation, as is epilepsy. Because of their correlation with brilliance and creativity. Your family proves that point. You rolled the dice not to fulfil yourself, but to fulfil a purpose and a destiny. This is what human beings do. Not just you.</p><p></p><p>For your other sons, their whole stories have not yet been written. Who knows? Many people would believe that to have NOT BORNE kids would have been the error.</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705446, member: 18958"] You are talking about your middle son, here. Feeling, what control do you have now? Tell me that. Right now you have the illusion of control. That if you tolerate anything and everything from him...he will keep open the lines of communication...if for nothing else to abuse you, so as to feel better himself. But that is an illusion, the sense that by accepting this, he will continue to keep contact. If he really wanted a reciprocal relationship he would give you his address. He does not want this. He wants his rules. Maybe this is all he can tolerate right now, that is true. But sticking up for yourself might be the key to his ability to tolerating more for himself and between you. I can only imagine how difficult this would be, given the circumstances. Remember, though, my own child is my only child. We are all of us in the same, horrible boat. Only varying degrees of horribleness. I get this. It is the elephant in the room. A way to feel you caused it. Except the faulty premise in the logic is that all of us to some extent cause everything in our lives. My son blames me for his life and the way he feels, because I adopted him. And says: You should not have adopted me. You should have known. You should have adopted another child without all of the problems I have. It is your fault. To follow the logic of "you caused it" would be to say none of us should procreate. Because life is painful and then it ends. For everybody, life is a losing game. Because you die in the end. If you had not had children, your younger son would not have achieved the success and the happiness he is achieving; his achievements would not have the benefit of his having lived and created. From everything you write about him and your other sons, they are brilliant. I have read that schizophrenia is an adaptation, an evolutionary adaptation, as is epilepsy. Because of their correlation with brilliance and creativity. Your family proves that point. You rolled the dice not to fulfil yourself, but to fulfil a purpose and a destiny. This is what human beings do. Not just you. For your other sons, their whole stories have not yet been written. Who knows? Many people would believe that to have NOT BORNE kids would have been the error. I don't know. [/QUOTE]
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