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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Weary Mother" data-source="post: 706368" data-attributes="member: 20487"><p>______________________________</p><p>Copa and Feeling: Both of you have expressed feelings that have bothered me also. My son being in prison and having a terrible addiction is not a mental illness like feeling sad's son has or others on here, but his life style has caused a lot of the same emotions. Letting go of him and his lost life is hard. During his drug use I have had to refuse him coming to my house from fear of his drug associates coming to my house and doing something violent to me or my home in retaliation to him. His father once drove him to another town to put him on a bus for Florida so that the drug dealers would not get him and harm him. My son has never been dangerous to me physically, but mentally it has been very hard and the hope of having a "normal" relationship with him over the years has gone. In fact when he gets out of prison late this year and begins his new life, it will be another chapter for me. I am trying to have the "hope" that we all have lost, that he will manage at the minimum to be able to survive and not go back to drugs. My "fear" is that he won't be able to and again I will watch him die slowly. He has lost all his teeth except 6 on top and a few on bottom, has become blind in one eye and was attacked in prison, damaging his other eye. All this is heartbreaking for me to see. I found a picture of him the other day that was taken on his 18th birthday. I cried. He was such a beautiful young man, and now he looks older than I do. But on the other hand, I realize that I too have to live. I have lived on anti depressants and sleeping pills and anxiety medications for a long time until a couple of years ago when I got off all of them. I have spent years in therapy with a good therapist who despite all her help, I could not avoid the pain of the reality of his life. Today I still cry at times and fear at times over the future and agonize over the past. Sometimes I just well up and cry, then I am ok for a while. But since being on this forum I do realize that we only have so much time on earth and can only do so much for others. Even though I can't change my son or daughter or fix them, as long as I live I will BE a mother to them. Nothing can change that. And yes they will have to handle the problems of their lives but I can extend kindness to them when it is appropriate, and no I won't live forever so they need the skills to do for them selfs, but I still can BE a mother to them. That is a separation that I have made between fixing and being. I can't fix them, but I can be something to them, a mother. And that includes times when I have to do as Feeling Sad is doing, keeping herself safe. I was advised by a therapist to protect myself BUT that letting him know that I love him is ok, and talking to him is ok, but exposing myself to his lifestyle and the danger he brings may not be ok. While he was on drugs that was a hard line to draw, much like any other mother would find. Feeling Sad, I am so sorry for your son's illness and do know and understand how hard that must be for you. I can relate so much to you and to Copa and many others here. Some days just reading your posts which I find very helpful, knowing that you all bare your souls here to each other, and that we all understand the pain and suffering of having difficult adult children, help me get through a day, a week or sometimes just a minute. But thankfully we do have each other!! Stay safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Weary Mother, post: 706368, member: 20487"] ______________________________ Copa and Feeling: Both of you have expressed feelings that have bothered me also. My son being in prison and having a terrible addiction is not a mental illness like feeling sad's son has or others on here, but his life style has caused a lot of the same emotions. Letting go of him and his lost life is hard. During his drug use I have had to refuse him coming to my house from fear of his drug associates coming to my house and doing something violent to me or my home in retaliation to him. His father once drove him to another town to put him on a bus for Florida so that the drug dealers would not get him and harm him. My son has never been dangerous to me physically, but mentally it has been very hard and the hope of having a "normal" relationship with him over the years has gone. In fact when he gets out of prison late this year and begins his new life, it will be another chapter for me. I am trying to have the "hope" that we all have lost, that he will manage at the minimum to be able to survive and not go back to drugs. My "fear" is that he won't be able to and again I will watch him die slowly. He has lost all his teeth except 6 on top and a few on bottom, has become blind in one eye and was attacked in prison, damaging his other eye. All this is heartbreaking for me to see. I found a picture of him the other day that was taken on his 18th birthday. I cried. He was such a beautiful young man, and now he looks older than I do. But on the other hand, I realize that I too have to live. I have lived on anti depressants and sleeping pills and anxiety medications for a long time until a couple of years ago when I got off all of them. I have spent years in therapy with a good therapist who despite all her help, I could not avoid the pain of the reality of his life. Today I still cry at times and fear at times over the future and agonize over the past. Sometimes I just well up and cry, then I am ok for a while. But since being on this forum I do realize that we only have so much time on earth and can only do so much for others. Even though I can't change my son or daughter or fix them, as long as I live I will BE a mother to them. Nothing can change that. And yes they will have to handle the problems of their lives but I can extend kindness to them when it is appropriate, and no I won't live forever so they need the skills to do for them selfs, but I still can BE a mother to them. That is a separation that I have made between fixing and being. I can't fix them, but I can be something to them, a mother. And that includes times when I have to do as Feeling Sad is doing, keeping herself safe. I was advised by a therapist to protect myself BUT that letting him know that I love him is ok, and talking to him is ok, but exposing myself to his lifestyle and the danger he brings may not be ok. While he was on drugs that was a hard line to draw, much like any other mother would find. Feeling Sad, I am so sorry for your son's illness and do know and understand how hard that must be for you. I can relate so much to you and to Copa and many others here. Some days just reading your posts which I find very helpful, knowing that you all bare your souls here to each other, and that we all understand the pain and suffering of having difficult adult children, help me get through a day, a week or sometimes just a minute. But thankfully we do have each other!! Stay safe. [/QUOTE]
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