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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 707954" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>Dear Feeling Sad, please understand that what I am about to say is meant kindly. You are so terribly low that I fear my words may hurt you further and that is not my intent. </p><p></p><p>I do understand how you feel. I watched my husband go literally crazy. I was closer to him than anyone else on earth. I loved him more than myself. I think he somehow knew that I could survive his craziness and that is why he agreed to have children with me. </p><p></p><p>What I also learned from him was that love cannot fix crazy. Somehow the mental illness takes control of the person, and they change into a second being. That distrustful, delusional, paranoid, violent, destructive being. You could see it in his eyes, couldn't you? The distant, glittering, frantic look of a man out of control. </p><p></p><p>You did what you could to help you oldest son. You did your best. Now you must let him go. Hope for the best for him. Once we (you with your son, me with my husband) reached that point where we became the enemy, there was no turning back. For me, it was almost like a switch was flipped with my husband. </p><p></p><p>We had an incident where we were calmly watching a movie. In the movie, the male lead was being publicly humiliated by his wife. My husband lept up and yelled at me for humiliating him. It was as though he suddenly felt connected to the movie events and neatly slid me into the roll of angry, spiteful woman. I would never do such a thing. But I watched the mental illness derail my husband's thoughts in order to convince him that I was evil. That was the night that he took the kids from me and locked himself in the bedroom with them. He yelled at me through the door telling me that I was evil, and he needed to protect the kids from me. I somehow convinced him to open the door, but I recognized that night that my loving husband was gone. In his stead was an unknown, volatile creature. A terrifyingly dangerous creature. </p><p></p><p>Please accept that you cannot help your eldest any longer. For him, you have become the enemy. You represent everything he fears. You have done nothing to deserve this status. The mental illness has taken control of him and driven a wedge between you. It is okay to accept that you have no power over it. Please keep yourself safe. </p><p></p><p>It sounds as though your middle son desperately needs your help. Can you lead him to it? All of you have been traumatized by your eldest's mental illness. I agree that NAMI is a good place to start. I hope for healing for you. I hope that you will become "Healing the Sad" instead of "Feeling Sad." Sending strength and warm hugs your way ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 707954, member: 11832"] Dear Feeling Sad, please understand that what I am about to say is meant kindly. You are so terribly low that I fear my words may hurt you further and that is not my intent. I do understand how you feel. I watched my husband go literally crazy. I was closer to him than anyone else on earth. I loved him more than myself. I think he somehow knew that I could survive his craziness and that is why he agreed to have children with me. What I also learned from him was that love cannot fix crazy. Somehow the mental illness takes control of the person, and they change into a second being. That distrustful, delusional, paranoid, violent, destructive being. You could see it in his eyes, couldn't you? The distant, glittering, frantic look of a man out of control. You did what you could to help you oldest son. You did your best. Now you must let him go. Hope for the best for him. Once we (you with your son, me with my husband) reached that point where we became the enemy, there was no turning back. For me, it was almost like a switch was flipped with my husband. We had an incident where we were calmly watching a movie. In the movie, the male lead was being publicly humiliated by his wife. My husband lept up and yelled at me for humiliating him. It was as though he suddenly felt connected to the movie events and neatly slid me into the roll of angry, spiteful woman. I would never do such a thing. But I watched the mental illness derail my husband's thoughts in order to convince him that I was evil. That was the night that he took the kids from me and locked himself in the bedroom with them. He yelled at me through the door telling me that I was evil, and he needed to protect the kids from me. I somehow convinced him to open the door, but I recognized that night that my loving husband was gone. In his stead was an unknown, volatile creature. A terrifyingly dangerous creature. Please accept that you cannot help your eldest any longer. For him, you have become the enemy. You represent everything he fears. You have done nothing to deserve this status. The mental illness has taken control of him and driven a wedge between you. It is okay to accept that you have no power over it. Please keep yourself safe. It sounds as though your middle son desperately needs your help. Can you lead him to it? All of you have been traumatized by your eldest's mental illness. I agree that NAMI is a good place to start. I hope for healing for you. I hope that you will become "Healing the Sad" instead of "Feeling Sad." Sending strength and warm hugs your way ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/QUOTE]
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