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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 709128" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Yes, blessedly, antidepressants. But, will he continue to take them and for how long? He already speaks of maybe being homeless again because he doesn't feel that he is good enough to get a job. He has had many missed opportunities and doesn't know if he will graduate. </p><p></p><p>I keep playing the What If Game. What if he had stayed on the antidepressants? What if I hadn't told him about the restraining order? He would not stay here after the falling out between his brother and himself. He did not want to upset him further and cause more violence. He would have never found out.</p><p></p><p>Copa, you could get a job in a lot of things with your education and background. You could also volunteer. It helps me to be busy enough so that I do not perseverate and regret constantly. But, more than that, it helps me to feel better because I am helping others, even though I am helpless to help or effect a change in my two eldest sons.</p><p></p><p>I just had to catch and escort a large alligator lizard out of my shower. I still have not sealed up openings in my wall from a repipe a few years back. A fine example of delayed maintenance... I grew up with lizards, living in the hills of Sherman Oaks. I found this fellow more of an annoyance. I am mad. I am mad at life. After what I have faced with a brain tumor and death threats, I handled it with ease. The alarm was set off because my hands were full, but the police were not contacted because I armed it again after tossing the invader quickly into the bushes.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say is that we're are much, much stronger than the norm. We have been tested. We can handle anything. We feel weak, but in reality, we are much more resilient and brave than the average woman.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel that our problem lies with being able to enjoy ourselves and to detach. I truly don't feel like I can detach. I know that they mean to detach from the turmoil and chaos.</p><p></p><p>But, I feel that if there is a glint, a small sliver of lack of insight, that as human beings and caring mothers, we cannot detach completely. I will be attached until my death, and if there is life after death, then even then.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to divorce myself from blame or guilt, but not from the concern or caring. Thus, I am left aching because I am devoid of any input about how he is doing.</p><p></p><p>Copa, do what pleases you. What do you want to do? Dance...create...paint...explore and discover? Do volunteer work. Do art or dance classes or therapy for others. Perhaps travel. What do you want to do? If I was not working...I would have fallen apart long ago.</p><p></p><p>My whole class finished a long animal unit by building animal habitat dioramas in class a week ago. They worked very hard. </p><p></p><p>Last Friday, a constantly difficult and angry boy in class, while the class was playing math games on the rug, destroyed them by taking the cute tigers, polar bears, and, yes, the Taxmanian Devils, etc. made out of modeling clay and rolled them up into a big ball and hid it in his desk. It was not discovered until the end of the day, when I was taking a picture of my class holding their beloved dioramas.</p><p></p><p>One girl said, "Where is my tiger? Where are its babies?"</p><p></p><p>Another girl said, "Where is my cobra and all of the trees?"</p><p></p><p>They were heart-broken.</p><p></p><p>How do you engender repentance when a person is devoid of it?</p><p></p><p>I am faced by constant quandaries...such is the way of life. It forces you out of your problems that you are facing.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that you are going through so much. I think if you often, as well. Again, we feel weak, but the exact inverse is true.</p><p></p><p>We have been forged by fire.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 709128, member: 19245"] Yes, blessedly, antidepressants. But, will he continue to take them and for how long? He already speaks of maybe being homeless again because he doesn't feel that he is good enough to get a job. He has had many missed opportunities and doesn't know if he will graduate. I keep playing the What If Game. What if he had stayed on the antidepressants? What if I hadn't told him about the restraining order? He would not stay here after the falling out between his brother and himself. He did not want to upset him further and cause more violence. He would have never found out. Copa, you could get a job in a lot of things with your education and background. You could also volunteer. It helps me to be busy enough so that I do not perseverate and regret constantly. But, more than that, it helps me to feel better because I am helping others, even though I am helpless to help or effect a change in my two eldest sons. I just had to catch and escort a large alligator lizard out of my shower. I still have not sealed up openings in my wall from a repipe a few years back. A fine example of delayed maintenance... I grew up with lizards, living in the hills of Sherman Oaks. I found this fellow more of an annoyance. I am mad. I am mad at life. After what I have faced with a brain tumor and death threats, I handled it with ease. The alarm was set off because my hands were full, but the police were not contacted because I armed it again after tossing the invader quickly into the bushes. What I am trying to say is that we're are much, much stronger than the norm. We have been tested. We can handle anything. We feel weak, but in reality, we are much more resilient and brave than the average woman. I feel that our problem lies with being able to enjoy ourselves and to detach. I truly don't feel like I can detach. I know that they mean to detach from the turmoil and chaos. But, I feel that if there is a glint, a small sliver of lack of insight, that as human beings and caring mothers, we cannot detach completely. I will be attached until my death, and if there is life after death, then even then. I am trying to divorce myself from blame or guilt, but not from the concern or caring. Thus, I am left aching because I am devoid of any input about how he is doing. Copa, do what pleases you. What do you want to do? Dance...create...paint...explore and discover? Do volunteer work. Do art or dance classes or therapy for others. Perhaps travel. What do you want to do? If I was not working...I would have fallen apart long ago. My whole class finished a long animal unit by building animal habitat dioramas in class a week ago. They worked very hard. Last Friday, a constantly difficult and angry boy in class, while the class was playing math games on the rug, destroyed them by taking the cute tigers, polar bears, and, yes, the Taxmanian Devils, etc. made out of modeling clay and rolled them up into a big ball and hid it in his desk. It was not discovered until the end of the day, when I was taking a picture of my class holding their beloved dioramas. One girl said, "Where is my tiger? Where are its babies?" Another girl said, "Where is my cobra and all of the trees?" They were heart-broken. How do you engender repentance when a person is devoid of it? I am faced by constant quandaries...such is the way of life. It forces you out of your problems that you are facing. I am sorry that you are going through so much. I think if you often, as well. Again, we feel weak, but the exact inverse is true. We have been forged by fire. [/QUOTE]
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