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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 711047" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with piglets and with wiser. I never believed that I would. But here I am in Philadelphia 3000 miles is it from my home and my son. Before I left I had distanced myself from my son somewhat who treats me badly. If I need anything from him he uses it as an opportunity to keep me dangling, while taking swipes.</p><p></p><p>Feeing, there is the same cruelty in what middle son is doing to you. I know, we forgive them and we understand on some level, but we are our own little flower. We are precious too. We must save and protect ourselves too. We are somebody's children too.</p><p></p><p>OK. I get it. On some level each of us was sacrificed and got the message that our job was to endure and to take care of others first, to keep quiet and to not ask for more. Most of all to take the hits and more hits, always looking first to those we love.</p><p></p><p>G-d did not mean for us to be sacrificed and destroyed. Not by others and especially not by ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I did not say goodbye to my son before I left and I left knowing something could happen to him or myself….during the trip. I left in place the stupid "special needs trust" that insulates my son from whatever money I have…so he will not use it to hurt himself. I have subsequently decided, better that he lose the money…so I will let him inherit directly. But there was no time to change the trust before I left.</p><p></p><p>I accepted that should I die on the trip, with the ill-fated trust in place, and he out in the woods, he had to bear the results and deal with it. That he has responsibility for his life story and not me. I am only responsible for my own. That I have loved him with all of my heart and soul and energy, and it is time to love myself, as best I can.</p><p></p><p>Feeling. You have options. You CAN afford to self-pay therapy. You will easily find somebody good willing to take $100. Or a spiritual director in your faith, (or mine.) I have gotten so much from the Rabbi with whom I speak every week, and this blessing costs me one third of the cost I was paying the psychiatrist. You need support. We all do. Me, too.</p><p></p><p>These are adult men, Feeling. We are the children now who need protecting. And care. I believe this with all my heart, Feeling. </p><p></p><p>There is significant survivor guilt going on here for middle son and FOR YOU. There is no judgment here in what I write (because if there were I would be indicting myself): Your obligation as a mother is to model to your sons surviving and thriving. We do not control our lives, that is true. But we can believe we deserve to survive and to thrive. Somehow we got a faulty version of this mental map, Feeling, of manifesting belief in our deserving of care, and hopefulness for ourselves. There is renewal for us, too, Feeling. We can reboot and correct course. Every single second there is another opportunity to reboot. I know this.</p><p></p><p>Feeling. You have been with me this whole trip. As I can I will check in. I am praying for you. Because you are really, me, and all of us. We are treasures, Feeling. Our own lost treasure. Right here. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 711047, member: 18958"] I agree with piglets and with wiser. I never believed that I would. But here I am in Philadelphia 3000 miles is it from my home and my son. Before I left I had distanced myself from my son somewhat who treats me badly. If I need anything from him he uses it as an opportunity to keep me dangling, while taking swipes. Feeing, there is the same cruelty in what middle son is doing to you. I know, we forgive them and we understand on some level, but we are our own little flower. We are precious too. We must save and protect ourselves too. We are somebody's children too. OK. I get it. On some level each of us was sacrificed and got the message that our job was to endure and to take care of others first, to keep quiet and to not ask for more. Most of all to take the hits and more hits, always looking first to those we love. G-d did not mean for us to be sacrificed and destroyed. Not by others and especially not by ourselves. I did not say goodbye to my son before I left and I left knowing something could happen to him or myself….during the trip. I left in place the stupid "special needs trust" that insulates my son from whatever money I have…so he will not use it to hurt himself. I have subsequently decided, better that he lose the money…so I will let him inherit directly. But there was no time to change the trust before I left. I accepted that should I die on the trip, with the ill-fated trust in place, and he out in the woods, he had to bear the results and deal with it. That he has responsibility for his life story and not me. I am only responsible for my own. That I have loved him with all of my heart and soul and energy, and it is time to love myself, as best I can. Feeling. You have options. You CAN afford to self-pay therapy. You will easily find somebody good willing to take $100. Or a spiritual director in your faith, (or mine.) I have gotten so much from the Rabbi with whom I speak every week, and this blessing costs me one third of the cost I was paying the psychiatrist. You need support. We all do. Me, too. These are adult men, Feeling. We are the children now who need protecting. And care. I believe this with all my heart, Feeling. There is significant survivor guilt going on here for middle son and FOR YOU. There is no judgment here in what I write (because if there were I would be indicting myself): Your obligation as a mother is to model to your sons surviving and thriving. We do not control our lives, that is true. But we can believe we deserve to survive and to thrive. Somehow we got a faulty version of this mental map, Feeling, of manifesting belief in our deserving of care, and hopefulness for ourselves. There is renewal for us, too, Feeling. We can reboot and correct course. Every single second there is another opportunity to reboot. I know this. Feeling. You have been with me this whole trip. As I can I will check in. I am praying for you. Because you are really, me, and all of us. We are treasures, Feeling. Our own lost treasure. Right here. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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