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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 713054" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Leafy, I am going through the same kind of process. My mom used to say, "Let go and let G_d". I cannot stop worrying. I cannot let go. But, yes, I understand that I am helpless to do anything. I can just put money in his account and hope that he stays safe and no one hurts him.</p><p></p><p>He painted the house in the back. He painted just the back because he would not go out front of the house in the day time...only at night. He would peer nervously out the window on the front door, and when the coast was clear, he would rush out with his hood on. He always parked in the driveway and never on the street, in order to make a quick get away.</p><p></p><p>There is blue painter's tape around a window where he placed it. It is still there. I cannot take it down. My son put it there. I know that it sounds stupid, but I just cannot take it down.</p><p></p><p>I pray, too, but I am also questioning why horrible things happen to good people. I have heard these questions termed 'gate questions' to be asked at the pearly gates. My mother used to use the word 'disillusioned' when she was upset about something. Yes, I am disillusioned.</p><p></p><p>My son was the nicest person you would ever meet. He doesn't deserve to have a tortured mind...a tortured reality. He is like a child out there. He is a man, but his thinking has been affected. My heart aches for him. I am so sad that he lives with constant fearful thoughts. I am also sad that he cannot cook, as that was one of his favorite things to do.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I still feel guilty about what happened. I filed a restraining order to keep my youngest son safe. One of my friends is a therapist. She told me that I can't sacrifice one son's safety for another. I did what I had to do, but I still have the constant what ifs...</p><p></p><p>My middle son is still here. He is doing better and eating a bit more. He, at times, jokes around like he used to do before. I am giving him his space, which is easy because school is not out yet.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I too am trying to count my blessings. I miss my brother. I miss my mother and father. I just put one foot in front of the other. I am blessed with great students. They help to take my mind off of things. Yes, it is horrible that I have helped so many students, but could not help my own son.</p><p></p><p>I have to read three 450 page books for one of my summer teacher seminars that I got accepted to for July. I do not have the reading list for the other summer seminar. That takes my mind off of things, as well. Sometimes my concentration is broken, but I push myself to continue to read.</p><p></p><p>Do you still have the Slim Glider? I go on it 20 minutes in the morning before work and 20 minutes at night, while I am watching the news. Exercise really helps. When I feel mad at the situation, I just glide faster... One would think that I would be skinny by now, but alas and alack, I am, sadly, not.</p><p></p><p>I wish that I could have let the jounalist from the Washington Post write about my ill son and what happened, but I teach in a small town. Parents would not want a teacher whose son had threatened to kill her. I also cannot take on the 3 police officers that lied to their commanding officer.</p><p></p><p>It is amazing how close I feel towards someone that I have never met. Leafy, your words ease my troubled mind. Thank you, my dear friend. G_d's peace. We will find our way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 713054, member: 19245"] Leafy, I am going through the same kind of process. My mom used to say, "Let go and let G_d". I cannot stop worrying. I cannot let go. But, yes, I understand that I am helpless to do anything. I can just put money in his account and hope that he stays safe and no one hurts him. He painted the house in the back. He painted just the back because he would not go out front of the house in the day time...only at night. He would peer nervously out the window on the front door, and when the coast was clear, he would rush out with his hood on. He always parked in the driveway and never on the street, in order to make a quick get away. There is blue painter's tape around a window where he placed it. It is still there. I cannot take it down. My son put it there. I know that it sounds stupid, but I just cannot take it down. I pray, too, but I am also questioning why horrible things happen to good people. I have heard these questions termed 'gate questions' to be asked at the pearly gates. My mother used to use the word 'disillusioned' when she was upset about something. Yes, I am disillusioned. My son was the nicest person you would ever meet. He doesn't deserve to have a tortured mind...a tortured reality. He is like a child out there. He is a man, but his thinking has been affected. My heart aches for him. I am so sad that he lives with constant fearful thoughts. I am also sad that he cannot cook, as that was one of his favorite things to do. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I still feel guilty about what happened. I filed a restraining order to keep my youngest son safe. One of my friends is a therapist. She told me that I can't sacrifice one son's safety for another. I did what I had to do, but I still have the constant what ifs... My middle son is still here. He is doing better and eating a bit more. He, at times, jokes around like he used to do before. I am giving him his space, which is easy because school is not out yet. Yes, I too am trying to count my blessings. I miss my brother. I miss my mother and father. I just put one foot in front of the other. I am blessed with great students. They help to take my mind off of things. Yes, it is horrible that I have helped so many students, but could not help my own son. I have to read three 450 page books for one of my summer teacher seminars that I got accepted to for July. I do not have the reading list for the other summer seminar. That takes my mind off of things, as well. Sometimes my concentration is broken, but I push myself to continue to read. Do you still have the Slim Glider? I go on it 20 minutes in the morning before work and 20 minutes at night, while I am watching the news. Exercise really helps. When I feel mad at the situation, I just glide faster... One would think that I would be skinny by now, but alas and alack, I am, sadly, not. I wish that I could have let the jounalist from the Washington Post write about my ill son and what happened, but I teach in a small town. Parents would not want a teacher whose son had threatened to kill her. I also cannot take on the 3 police officers that lied to their commanding officer. It is amazing how close I feel towards someone that I have never met. Leafy, your words ease my troubled mind. Thank you, my dear friend. G_d's peace. We will find our way. [/QUOTE]
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