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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 721850" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Hello. It has been a long time...again.</p><p></p><p>With my second son not doing well, I am finding it harder to not be very depressed myself. Yes, I get up each day to teach. I love my job. I am very fortunate to have my teaching. Currently, I am having conferences.</p><p></p><p>But, when I go home and things are quiet...it all comes rushing back. I feel destitute and barren of hope. I have gone through my life with a Pollyanna view of the world. I always tried to see the positive. It is harder for me to do that now. I am jaded. I am anxious. I do not trust life.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I had to take my middle son to the hospital. He had not eaten or had liquids...outside of large amounts of alcohol. They wanted him to go to a mental hospital. They asked him if he was suicidal. He answered, "Not today..."</p><p></p><p>He saw a psychiatrist alone. She told me afterwards that he was very motivated to see a therapist. I told her that he was just telling her want she wanted to hear. Later, he told me exactly that. He had no intention if going to see a therapist. He did not want to go to a mental hospital.</p><p></p><p>I think that my being dizzy and the upcoming results of my MRI caused him to drink large amounts. He felt for months that my tumor was returning. If I forgot anything, he would tell me that my brain tumor was returning.</p><p></p><p>That morning as I left for my results, I told him, "Wish me luck!" He returned with, "It has nothing to do with luck. I hope that you are not going to die".</p><p></p><p>He has not had any alcohol since going to the emergency room. It does not react well with his antidepressant medications. He was very sick. Hopefully, he will not start drinking again.</p><p></p><p>Recently, I decided to let him get a dog. He had started to act very differently. His tonal quality was similar to my ill son. He was not having delusions or hallucinations. But, he was acting differently. I am now painfully...acutely aware of any new or different behavior. I have watched 3 individuals slowly get schizophrenia; my 2 sisters and my eldest son.</p><p></p><p>My middle son is probably just very depressed, but I watch in agony. They have done studies on how socialization helps ward off mental illness. He was almost child-like when he asked my youngest son if his dog could spend the night. My youngest son laughed and thought that he was joking. But, he was very serious. It broke my heart.</p><p></p><p>Copa, sadly there were no Chinese crested dogs at any of the shelters. My youngest had his husky here before he moved out. I had no problems with allergies. He stayed on the vinyl flooring or in his room. Huskies are low allergy because they have less dander and do not have as much of a dog smell. Yes, they are furry, but cause no problem for me.</p><p></p><p>My middle son adopted a gorgeous 2 year old husky. He is very well-behaved. The change in my middle son is enormous. At times, he seems like his old self. They walk all over town. He says that it is like having a child except, it is not selfish and that he saved his dog's life. I feel that his dog saved his...</p><p></p><p>He thinks that I want to die because I do not eat as healthily as he thinks that I should. He told me, "Mom, you should get a dog so that you won't want to die".</p><p></p><p>I know that this will not stop the onslaught of schizophrenia. But, I am hoping, against all odds, that it is just depression. I pray this is so, with my broken heart. I still ache profoundly for my eldest ill son. It has been 2 1/2 years. It feels like a lifetime. I feel dead inside.</p><p></p><p>I am taking each day at a time. I still struggle with guilt, but I know that I had no choice. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 721850, member: 19245"] Hello. It has been a long time...again. With my second son not doing well, I am finding it harder to not be very depressed myself. Yes, I get up each day to teach. I love my job. I am very fortunate to have my teaching. Currently, I am having conferences. But, when I go home and things are quiet...it all comes rushing back. I feel destitute and barren of hope. I have gone through my life with a Pollyanna view of the world. I always tried to see the positive. It is harder for me to do that now. I am jaded. I am anxious. I do not trust life. Copa, I had to take my middle son to the hospital. He had not eaten or had liquids...outside of large amounts of alcohol. They wanted him to go to a mental hospital. They asked him if he was suicidal. He answered, "Not today..." He saw a psychiatrist alone. She told me afterwards that he was very motivated to see a therapist. I told her that he was just telling her want she wanted to hear. Later, he told me exactly that. He had no intention if going to see a therapist. He did not want to go to a mental hospital. I think that my being dizzy and the upcoming results of my MRI caused him to drink large amounts. He felt for months that my tumor was returning. If I forgot anything, he would tell me that my brain tumor was returning. That morning as I left for my results, I told him, "Wish me luck!" He returned with, "It has nothing to do with luck. I hope that you are not going to die". He has not had any alcohol since going to the emergency room. It does not react well with his antidepressant medications. He was very sick. Hopefully, he will not start drinking again. Recently, I decided to let him get a dog. He had started to act very differently. His tonal quality was similar to my ill son. He was not having delusions or hallucinations. But, he was acting differently. I am now painfully...acutely aware of any new or different behavior. I have watched 3 individuals slowly get schizophrenia; my 2 sisters and my eldest son. My middle son is probably just very depressed, but I watch in agony. They have done studies on how socialization helps ward off mental illness. He was almost child-like when he asked my youngest son if his dog could spend the night. My youngest son laughed and thought that he was joking. But, he was very serious. It broke my heart. Copa, sadly there were no Chinese crested dogs at any of the shelters. My youngest had his husky here before he moved out. I had no problems with allergies. He stayed on the vinyl flooring or in his room. Huskies are low allergy because they have less dander and do not have as much of a dog smell. Yes, they are furry, but cause no problem for me. My middle son adopted a gorgeous 2 year old husky. He is very well-behaved. The change in my middle son is enormous. At times, he seems like his old self. They walk all over town. He says that it is like having a child except, it is not selfish and that he saved his dog's life. I feel that his dog saved his... He thinks that I want to die because I do not eat as healthily as he thinks that I should. He told me, "Mom, you should get a dog so that you won't want to die". I know that this will not stop the onslaught of schizophrenia. But, I am hoping, against all odds, that it is just depression. I pray this is so, with my broken heart. I still ache profoundly for my eldest ill son. It has been 2 1/2 years. It feels like a lifetime. I feel dead inside. I am taking each day at a time. I still struggle with guilt, but I know that I had no choice. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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