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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 722050" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Thank you all for the wonderful words of support. I was very blessed to have found this site.</p><p></p><p>Tanya, thank you for all of your ideas. All of us on this site tend to forget about taking care of ourselves when we feel helpless and hopeless. I truly appreciate your suggestions. I will try to implement your ideas. I need to feel less anxious.</p><p></p><p>Copa, you are right that we are both watching each other...anxious for the other shoe to fall. I need to lose some weight, so anything I eat, makes him feel that I will die very soon. He is extremely underweight. I am very good at dieting, so I will lose 20 pounds so that he feels less stressed. Yes, we both need to try to carry on with our life.</p><p></p><p>Greetings, Leafy. I can hear the beautiful beach sounds as I type this. I love the beach. You are so very lucky to live in such a paradise. Thank you for the beach video. I love it! I collect beach paintings because they calm me...and don't break in earthquakes. I used to collect antique bottles, but now it is beach paintings. My tract has a yearly garage sale and once I buy my painting, I am done.</p><p></p><p>I am glad to hear that you are working through things. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I wrote earlier about receiving a premonition 2 minutes before my brother passed. I was excused from an in-service that I was supposed to attend because I was not due yet. The district had made a mistake. It was for nonviolent crisis intervention, which are prison holds only to be</p><p>used when a child is in danger of hurting themselves. (One year, I had my rib cracked by newbies that did it wrong while we role-played, but that is a different story). I showed up at the hospital early to take my brother home that morning the day after his new defibrillator was put in. They had to take him off of blood thinners for the surgery.</p><p></p><p>He said that he had not wanted the hospital to bother me. I told him that I had a sub already and that I was free. The nurses had told me earlier that he had talked about walking in the hallway, but he had remained in his bed and had just thrashed about.</p><p></p><p>I arrived while they were giving him his breathing treatment with oxygen. He talked to me and said that he didn't want them to bother me. I told him that I was free and that we could talk after he was done with his breathing treatment.</p><p></p><p>He said something else and, for the life of me, I do not know what he said. I wish that I had heard what he said. He had his oxygen mask on.</p><p></p><p>I had a clear message, or thought, that if he was to pass now, that it would be "calm and peaceful". It was not my thought. I always use a nickname for my brother. This message used his real name.</p><p></p><p>I chastised myself. I thought , "Why am I thinking this? I am here to take him home". Just 2 minutes later he was gasping for air and coded.</p><p></p><p>For a long time, I felt like I had somehow caused it. I have had premonitions since I have been 11 years old. Studies say that people become intuitive when they face dangerous trauma. At that age, my sister was threatening my life. I had to pick up on clues to see if she was going to carry out her threats to kill ne.</p><p></p><p>I am going down this road to convey the belief that I was told that my brother would die peacefully somehow. My faith has been challenged by what my family has gone through. Yet, I know that somehow, I received that very strong message. I now find it calming and that there are things that can't be explained. I find peace in it now.</p><p></p><p>I have a very difficult year because I have an autistic son of a fellow teacher. She both does not feel that he needs extra help, but also cried and said that he could not change over night. She is in total denial. I am trying to reduce prompts...and she insists on expecting very little from him. I am trying to navigate the waters and help her son become more independent and raise his self-esteem.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for the support. I have a cold and my vertigo finally stopped.</p><p></p><p>I remember the pure, ecstatic joy that I felt when I woke up from my brain surgery. I thought that I would not make it or that I would lose my memory or be paralyzed on the right side, as they feared. I am trying to get back in touch with that joy. Life has a way of muddying the waters. </p><p></p><p>I am still alive and I need to cherish every day. I am still struggling with guilt and the should haves, would haves, but I will keep taking each day on to the best of my abilty. I feel that my homeless ill son is very child-like, but I need to be thankful that I know that he is alive through his activity on our joint bank account.</p><p></p><p>I hope that all of you are able to find peace and sollace.</p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 722050, member: 19245"] Thank you all for the wonderful words of support. I was very blessed to have found this site. Tanya, thank you for all of your ideas. All of us on this site tend to forget about taking care of ourselves when we feel helpless and hopeless. I truly appreciate your suggestions. I will try to implement your ideas. I need to feel less anxious. Copa, you are right that we are both watching each other...anxious for the other shoe to fall. I need to lose some weight, so anything I eat, makes him feel that I will die very soon. He is extremely underweight. I am very good at dieting, so I will lose 20 pounds so that he feels less stressed. Yes, we both need to try to carry on with our life. Greetings, Leafy. I can hear the beautiful beach sounds as I type this. I love the beach. You are so very lucky to live in such a paradise. Thank you for the beach video. I love it! I collect beach paintings because they calm me...and don't break in earthquakes. I used to collect antique bottles, but now it is beach paintings. My tract has a yearly garage sale and once I buy my painting, I am done. I am glad to hear that you are working through things. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I wrote earlier about receiving a premonition 2 minutes before my brother passed. I was excused from an in-service that I was supposed to attend because I was not due yet. The district had made a mistake. It was for nonviolent crisis intervention, which are prison holds only to be used when a child is in danger of hurting themselves. (One year, I had my rib cracked by newbies that did it wrong while we role-played, but that is a different story). I showed up at the hospital early to take my brother home that morning the day after his new defibrillator was put in. They had to take him off of blood thinners for the surgery. He said that he had not wanted the hospital to bother me. I told him that I had a sub already and that I was free. The nurses had told me earlier that he had talked about walking in the hallway, but he had remained in his bed and had just thrashed about. I arrived while they were giving him his breathing treatment with oxygen. He talked to me and said that he didn't want them to bother me. I told him that I was free and that we could talk after he was done with his breathing treatment. He said something else and, for the life of me, I do not know what he said. I wish that I had heard what he said. He had his oxygen mask on. I had a clear message, or thought, that if he was to pass now, that it would be "calm and peaceful". It was not my thought. I always use a nickname for my brother. This message used his real name. I chastised myself. I thought , "Why am I thinking this? I am here to take him home". Just 2 minutes later he was gasping for air and coded. For a long time, I felt like I had somehow caused it. I have had premonitions since I have been 11 years old. Studies say that people become intuitive when they face dangerous trauma. At that age, my sister was threatening my life. I had to pick up on clues to see if she was going to carry out her threats to kill ne. I am going down this road to convey the belief that I was told that my brother would die peacefully somehow. My faith has been challenged by what my family has gone through. Yet, I know that somehow, I received that very strong message. I now find it calming and that there are things that can't be explained. I find peace in it now. I have a very difficult year because I have an autistic son of a fellow teacher. She both does not feel that he needs extra help, but also cried and said that he could not change over night. She is in total denial. I am trying to reduce prompts...and she insists on expecting very little from him. I am trying to navigate the waters and help her son become more independent and raise his self-esteem. Thank you all for the support. I have a cold and my vertigo finally stopped. I remember the pure, ecstatic joy that I felt when I woke up from my brain surgery. I thought that I would not make it or that I would lose my memory or be paralyzed on the right side, as they feared. I am trying to get back in touch with that joy. Life has a way of muddying the waters. I am still alive and I need to cherish every day. I am still struggling with guilt and the should haves, would haves, but I will keep taking each day on to the best of my abilty. I feel that my homeless ill son is very child-like, but I need to be thankful that I know that he is alive through his activity on our joint bank account. I hope that all of you are able to find peace and sollace. . [/QUOTE]
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