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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 729438" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>I am not doing very well. In June, it will have been 3 years since I saw my ill son. Yes, I realize that I did the only thing that I could do at the time to keep my youngest son safe, but I miss him so very much. He is still circling my town, visiting other surrounding towns in his dilapidated car. I know this by our joint bank account activity. He is probably as skinny as a skeleton now. He told me once that when he ran off to Washington, he would sleep in a residential area, parking in front between two houses, as to not draw attention to himself. I will never see him again.</p><p></p><p>My middle son is still not working or going to school. It has been 8 months. He is, at times, reminding me of my ill son in his early years with his illness. I am petrified. I am hopeless. I am in the depths of despair.</p><p></p><p>I do not push him out because he does not mind being homeless. I would truly lose it if a second son developed schizophrenia. I apologize for sounding so selfish. It is much worse on the person who develops schizophrenia than a family member watching it. But, I do not think that I could watch a second son slowly slip into psychoses. </p><p></p><p>My ill son tried so hard to overcome and fight it. But, it took him over slowly. I saw less and less of 'him'. His voice and mannerisms were replaced by a bizarre stranger. I watched 2 sisters and then my eldest son taken over by this insidious disease. I am strong, but I feel like I will not make it through another round. </p><p></p><p>I am doing well at school and have applied to 5 summer teacher seminars with stipends back east. I am trying to...frantically...busy my mind by writing essays. I don't know if I could even go if I am accepted. I do not know how he will be by then.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I can hear you saying that I am acting like I did before with my ill son. I just can't bear the thought of losing another son to schizophrenia. I am starting to give him ultimatums about taking a class (academic or recreational), voluntary work, or part time work...anything. He is still on antidepressants, but he refuses to see a therapist. Yes, his dog has helped him a lot. But, his whole life revolves around his dog. He doesn't want to be away from him for too long. He stays in his room with him or takes him for walks.</p><p></p><p>I have been divorced from my second husband for almost 10 years. I am profoundly lonely, but am too over-whelmed to even think about dating. I don't have it in me to be 'fun'. My youngest son is doing great, but I rarely am able to see him. He has a good life and is busy with his work and friends. It is as it should be.</p><p></p><p>My middle son probably just has severe depression, but there are times that he acts like my eldest son in his early years with his illness; repeating silly things over and over, talking about nonsensical things, staying in his room, and sleeping. He doesn't hear voices, but he is acting very differently. </p><p></p><p>I despise mental illness. I have been dealing with schizophrenia in family members for over 50 years. I sometimes wish that I had let the Washington Post do that article, but it would not have been comfortable for my sons. I have written several senators and news journalists, but have only received one response from an assistant. I am trying to get the broken mental health system addressed, but to no avail...</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that it has been so very long. I just ache so much. It is difficult to write. My teaching helps me immensely. I can help others. My students are wonderful. I am just putting one foot in front of the other...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 729438, member: 19245"] I am not doing very well. In June, it will have been 3 years since I saw my ill son. Yes, I realize that I did the only thing that I could do at the time to keep my youngest son safe, but I miss him so very much. He is still circling my town, visiting other surrounding towns in his dilapidated car. I know this by our joint bank account activity. He is probably as skinny as a skeleton now. He told me once that when he ran off to Washington, he would sleep in a residential area, parking in front between two houses, as to not draw attention to himself. I will never see him again. My middle son is still not working or going to school. It has been 8 months. He is, at times, reminding me of my ill son in his early years with his illness. I am petrified. I am hopeless. I am in the depths of despair. I do not push him out because he does not mind being homeless. I would truly lose it if a second son developed schizophrenia. I apologize for sounding so selfish. It is much worse on the person who develops schizophrenia than a family member watching it. But, I do not think that I could watch a second son slowly slip into psychoses. My ill son tried so hard to overcome and fight it. But, it took him over slowly. I saw less and less of 'him'. His voice and mannerisms were replaced by a bizarre stranger. I watched 2 sisters and then my eldest son taken over by this insidious disease. I am strong, but I feel like I will not make it through another round. I am doing well at school and have applied to 5 summer teacher seminars with stipends back east. I am trying to...frantically...busy my mind by writing essays. I don't know if I could even go if I am accepted. I do not know how he will be by then. Yes, I can hear you saying that I am acting like I did before with my ill son. I just can't bear the thought of losing another son to schizophrenia. I am starting to give him ultimatums about taking a class (academic or recreational), voluntary work, or part time work...anything. He is still on antidepressants, but he refuses to see a therapist. Yes, his dog has helped him a lot. But, his whole life revolves around his dog. He doesn't want to be away from him for too long. He stays in his room with him or takes him for walks. I have been divorced from my second husband for almost 10 years. I am profoundly lonely, but am too over-whelmed to even think about dating. I don't have it in me to be 'fun'. My youngest son is doing great, but I rarely am able to see him. He has a good life and is busy with his work and friends. It is as it should be. My middle son probably just has severe depression, but there are times that he acts like my eldest son in his early years with his illness; repeating silly things over and over, talking about nonsensical things, staying in his room, and sleeping. He doesn't hear voices, but he is acting very differently. I despise mental illness. I have been dealing with schizophrenia in family members for over 50 years. I sometimes wish that I had let the Washington Post do that article, but it would not have been comfortable for my sons. I have written several senators and news journalists, but have only received one response from an assistant. I am trying to get the broken mental health system addressed, but to no avail... I am so sorry that it has been so very long. I just ache so much. It is difficult to write. My teaching helps me immensely. I can help others. My students are wonderful. I am just putting one foot in front of the other... [/QUOTE]
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