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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 734600" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son is here now, but we won't let him live with us because he has a mj habit he won't yet confront.</p><p></p><p>I did put in the 2nd door to make one wing of the house a separate apt, but we have thus far not restricted him to it because we do not want to encourage his comfort here as long as he is using pot. (He becomes moody, reactive and aggressive after use.)</p><p></p><p>The thing with your son is that you want him near, protected and stable--but you and he both need separation. And you need limits. Boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I would stick up for myself with him : When you tell me things like xxx, I feel very sad and scared.</p><p></p><p>And make distance. This is a natural consequence.</p><p></p><p>He does not want to be a jerk. He is a good person. Do not let him mistreat you. Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior.</p><p></p><p>The single greatest thing I did (most positive effect with my son) was when I set limits when he would tell me upsetting things. I told him: I will not talk to you about xxx. And I followed through.</p><p></p><p>He changed. Some. He became more self aware. He developed restraint. He stopped inflicting his moods on me. When he saw he had control, he felt better. Acting better, with decency and respect, led to greater self-control and he did not seem to indulge himself so much.</p><p></p><p>These guys have way too much time on their hands. It frustrates me.</p><p></p><p>I wish you would go to al anon or codependents anonymous, to get support to take care of yourself better.</p><p></p><p>I know you are afraid. But there are NO circumstances, none, that warrant being mistreated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 734600, member: 18958"] My son is here now, but we won't let him live with us because he has a mj habit he won't yet confront. I did put in the 2nd door to make one wing of the house a separate apt, but we have thus far not restricted him to it because we do not want to encourage his comfort here as long as he is using pot. (He becomes moody, reactive and aggressive after use.) The thing with your son is that you want him near, protected and stable--but you and he both need separation. And you need limits. Boundaries. I would stick up for myself with him : When you tell me things like xxx, I feel very sad and scared. And make distance. This is a natural consequence. He does not want to be a jerk. He is a good person. Do not let him mistreat you. Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior. The single greatest thing I did (most positive effect with my son) was when I set limits when he would tell me upsetting things. I told him: I will not talk to you about xxx. And I followed through. He changed. Some. He became more self aware. He developed restraint. He stopped inflicting his moods on me. When he saw he had control, he felt better. Acting better, with decency and respect, led to greater self-control and he did not seem to indulge himself so much. These guys have way too much time on their hands. It frustrates me. I wish you would go to al anon or codependents anonymous, to get support to take care of yourself better. I know you are afraid. But there are NO circumstances, none, that warrant being mistreated. [/QUOTE]
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