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Feeling strong-armed by your loved one?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 408997"><p>Mrsammler and all,</p><p> </p><p>I have several thoughts on this. First I don't think you can generalize to all of us based on your one experience. I have no idea if your nephew is a sociopath, he may be.... but many of us are dealing with difficult child issues but our children are not necessarily sociopaths...the underlying issues are often different, some its a mental disorder or issue of some kind, some it is drug or alcohol abuse, some it is just a pure sense of entitlement for whatever reason. </p><p> </p><p>I also strongly believe, based on personal and professional experience, that getting out of any kind of abusive situation is a process. It does not happen over night and it does not happen because someone else tells you to leave or what to do. It is a process where you yourself get to a place, where you realize enough is enough and that this is not working anymore. The best way to help someone in that process is to give them support and information. It really does not tend to help to tell them what to do, or to try and do it for them. Acceptance of their feelings is important too.... and I think especially in the case of a parent, the feelings are so mixed....because this is your child who is being abusive to you and yet you love this child with all your heart. </p><p> </p><p>It sounds from your post that you have basically written your nephew off.... but his mother probably absolutely can not do that. As an uncle you can do that more easily, as a mother you can't. As a parent, you remember what your child was like when they were young, the potential they had and probably still has, and their strengths as a person as well as their weaknesses. So you are in a very different position than your sister.</p><p> </p><p>I have to say if my brother or someone else came to my home, and told me absolutely what I had to do in regards to my son I would have felt extremely defensive and protective of my son. I might very well have acted like your sister depending on where I was in my own process. I did get to the point where we did kick my son out of the house, we let him fall hard and land in jail, we told him he could not come home and then we helped get him into rehab. But my husband and I had to get there in our own way, our own process and luckily for us we did have supportive people who loved us along the way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 408997"] Mrsammler and all, I have several thoughts on this. First I don't think you can generalize to all of us based on your one experience. I have no idea if your nephew is a sociopath, he may be.... but many of us are dealing with difficult child issues but our children are not necessarily sociopaths...the underlying issues are often different, some its a mental disorder or issue of some kind, some it is drug or alcohol abuse, some it is just a pure sense of entitlement for whatever reason. I also strongly believe, based on personal and professional experience, that getting out of any kind of abusive situation is a process. It does not happen over night and it does not happen because someone else tells you to leave or what to do. It is a process where you yourself get to a place, where you realize enough is enough and that this is not working anymore. The best way to help someone in that process is to give them support and information. It really does not tend to help to tell them what to do, or to try and do it for them. Acceptance of their feelings is important too.... and I think especially in the case of a parent, the feelings are so mixed....because this is your child who is being abusive to you and yet you love this child with all your heart. It sounds from your post that you have basically written your nephew off.... but his mother probably absolutely can not do that. As an uncle you can do that more easily, as a mother you can't. As a parent, you remember what your child was like when they were young, the potential they had and probably still has, and their strengths as a person as well as their weaknesses. So you are in a very different position than your sister. I have to say if my brother or someone else came to my home, and told me absolutely what I had to do in regards to my son I would have felt extremely defensive and protective of my son. I might very well have acted like your sister depending on where I was in my own process. I did get to the point where we did kick my son out of the house, we let him fall hard and land in jail, we told him he could not come home and then we helped get him into rehab. But my husband and I had to get there in our own way, our own process and luckily for us we did have supportive people who loved us along the way. [/QUOTE]
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