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Feeling strong-armed by your loved one?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 409660" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>AHF - (any one else who wants to address this differently feel free to disagree this is my opinion) </p><p> </p><p>My stand is this - based on our experience and what we were told by countless therapists, doctors and our own understanding of what we read. </p><p>When we suggest therapy, for anyone? We don't feel that it is EVER too late for ANYONE. However 'catch them young' to change the brain and behaviors of psychopathy and mapping is what I try to get across to parents when I suggest for anyone to get your child into therapy. A lot of times people wait until the child is 5,6,7 before addressing the behaviors of an outrageous toddler. I did this. I knew my sons behaviors were going down-hill when he was three and a half and four years old. The problem in my family dynamic was that I had a husband at the time that was a psychopath and didn't believe in counseling. So I snuck around, got therapy, and left him. I got myself and my son into therapy asap. Even WITH 15 years of thearapy and RTCs, countless, doctors, medications, phychiatrists, psychologists et. al behind my son? He still made very poor decisions that ended him up in jail, in trouble at school dropped out, at home, in your face behaviors, defiant to a near uncontrolable level. As parents you sit back after all that we did and you think - What's left? Is it genetic? But I literally could NOT ever say there wasn't anything I never did - I did it all to help him up to that point EXCEPT throw him out and let life kick him in the pants, and detach from him -and take that horrible step that no parent wants to take because you sit there thinking - what if's. What if he dies because I did this? What if he ends up in prison the rest of his life without my shadowing and supervision? What if he never talks to me? What if I never see him again? These are very real fears, and part of you has to find it deep down inside of yourself to say - WHAT IF it makes him grow up and is the best thing I ever did? </p><p> </p><p>The other part to my suggestions of therapy 'constantly' at any age is while I do feel that looking at a 25 year old man who has never had therapy and has exhibited outrageous behavior all of his life to his parents, and they are just NOW getting around to throwing their hands up in the air and saying "You know what? We've had it! What do we do now?" Well, my thoughts are simple enough - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 25 years? I mean the kid did not JUST get this way, and you have obviously either stuck your head in the sand for 25 years and you can blame yourself for ignoring every single sign there was and possibly every person that has more than likely offered a suggestion that something was MORE than wrong with your child, then teen, then man. OR this is something that just snapped in your kid in the last couple of years which would require a more indepth look and would make me suspect something like schizophrenia, or some other psychoses which would need a professional diagnosis. Also, if this WAS the case in EITHER event? Scenario 1.) If you've ignored a child for 25 years that has behavior THAT bad and just now are waking up to the fact that he needs help - YOU need help too - get to therapy, because at 25 years of age to JUST begin therapy- those behaviors and habits are REALLY going to be engrained, but like ANY OTHER behavior? If the person that has these behaviors WANTS to change - therapy can help. If they DO NOT want to change? It could be some help - but not likely and to just start at that age and NOT want help? I would say those patterns are pretty set, and less likely to change any if at all. So no - to force a 25 year old to go to thearapy who doesn't want to go? No, not going to help or change anything. </p><p> </p><p>My point with younger children and therapy? My son was forced to go. Some people think that's wrong. I think I was his Mom, and I knew what was best for him. We did anger management, family therapy, art therapy, counseling, regular talk therapy, EMDR therapy, lots of different therapy. Did it make a difference? Some. Was it dramatic? Not really. Did I get immediate results? Nope. Did I ever get results? Absolutely. When did I see them? When he got out on his own, at 20. It's really weird because I thought a lot of the things he learned - he'd either really never use or when he had told me he hated therapy - he meant it - but now I do see him using a LOT of the things he learned IN therapy in his every day life NOW - that he never used. The anger management techniques he did use while he was at home - we both did and that helped a lot. Not to sound cliche - but it's like seeds were planted and his crop is finally coming in - THAT is where I believe his mapping is changed for the better. He also has been given a chance to live and witness the ravings of a full blown socio/psychopath in action and I'm telling you nothing will chance your mind about being the baddest cat in the litterbox quicker than seeing an honest to gosh crazy person up close and personal. Makes you realize bravado is very over-rated and just looks ridiculous - if you could see what anger looks like unleashed? You really don't want to wear it. Kinda like your own scared straight every day. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this answers your question - if not just ask - I'll try to shorten it, but I'm not good with short answers or maybe someone else can give it a whirl. </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star. </p><p> </p><p>and elizabray - My son was around it for a very short period of time - from birth to 4 - but NOT raised like this - I'm not sure if it's genetic or not. All I know is that if everything you did didn't change her? Then you are doing the best thing you can to help her. hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 409660, member: 4964"] AHF - (any one else who wants to address this differently feel free to disagree this is my opinion) My stand is this - based on our experience and what we were told by countless therapists, doctors and our own understanding of what we read. When we suggest therapy, for anyone? We don't feel that it is EVER too late for ANYONE. However 'catch them young' to change the brain and behaviors of psychopathy and mapping is what I try to get across to parents when I suggest for anyone to get your child into therapy. A lot of times people wait until the child is 5,6,7 before addressing the behaviors of an outrageous toddler. I did this. I knew my sons behaviors were going down-hill when he was three and a half and four years old. The problem in my family dynamic was that I had a husband at the time that was a psychopath and didn't believe in counseling. So I snuck around, got therapy, and left him. I got myself and my son into therapy asap. Even WITH 15 years of thearapy and RTCs, countless, doctors, medications, phychiatrists, psychologists et. al behind my son? He still made very poor decisions that ended him up in jail, in trouble at school dropped out, at home, in your face behaviors, defiant to a near uncontrolable level. As parents you sit back after all that we did and you think - What's left? Is it genetic? But I literally could NOT ever say there wasn't anything I never did - I did it all to help him up to that point EXCEPT throw him out and let life kick him in the pants, and detach from him -and take that horrible step that no parent wants to take because you sit there thinking - what if's. What if he dies because I did this? What if he ends up in prison the rest of his life without my shadowing and supervision? What if he never talks to me? What if I never see him again? These are very real fears, and part of you has to find it deep down inside of yourself to say - WHAT IF it makes him grow up and is the best thing I ever did? The other part to my suggestions of therapy 'constantly' at any age is while I do feel that looking at a 25 year old man who has never had therapy and has exhibited outrageous behavior all of his life to his parents, and they are just NOW getting around to throwing their hands up in the air and saying "You know what? We've had it! What do we do now?" Well, my thoughts are simple enough - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 25 years? I mean the kid did not JUST get this way, and you have obviously either stuck your head in the sand for 25 years and you can blame yourself for ignoring every single sign there was and possibly every person that has more than likely offered a suggestion that something was MORE than wrong with your child, then teen, then man. OR this is something that just snapped in your kid in the last couple of years which would require a more indepth look and would make me suspect something like schizophrenia, or some other psychoses which would need a professional diagnosis. Also, if this WAS the case in EITHER event? Scenario 1.) If you've ignored a child for 25 years that has behavior THAT bad and just now are waking up to the fact that he needs help - YOU need help too - get to therapy, because at 25 years of age to JUST begin therapy- those behaviors and habits are REALLY going to be engrained, but like ANY OTHER behavior? If the person that has these behaviors WANTS to change - therapy can help. If they DO NOT want to change? It could be some help - but not likely and to just start at that age and NOT want help? I would say those patterns are pretty set, and less likely to change any if at all. So no - to force a 25 year old to go to thearapy who doesn't want to go? No, not going to help or change anything. My point with younger children and therapy? My son was forced to go. Some people think that's wrong. I think I was his Mom, and I knew what was best for him. We did anger management, family therapy, art therapy, counseling, regular talk therapy, EMDR therapy, lots of different therapy. Did it make a difference? Some. Was it dramatic? Not really. Did I get immediate results? Nope. Did I ever get results? Absolutely. When did I see them? When he got out on his own, at 20. It's really weird because I thought a lot of the things he learned - he'd either really never use or when he had told me he hated therapy - he meant it - but now I do see him using a LOT of the things he learned IN therapy in his every day life NOW - that he never used. The anger management techniques he did use while he was at home - we both did and that helped a lot. Not to sound cliche - but it's like seeds were planted and his crop is finally coming in - THAT is where I believe his mapping is changed for the better. He also has been given a chance to live and witness the ravings of a full blown socio/psychopath in action and I'm telling you nothing will chance your mind about being the baddest cat in the litterbox quicker than seeing an honest to gosh crazy person up close and personal. Makes you realize bravado is very over-rated and just looks ridiculous - if you could see what anger looks like unleashed? You really don't want to wear it. Kinda like your own scared straight every day. Hope this answers your question - if not just ask - I'll try to shorten it, but I'm not good with short answers or maybe someone else can give it a whirl. Hugs Star. and elizabray - My son was around it for a very short period of time - from birth to 4 - but NOT raised like this - I'm not sure if it's genetic or not. All I know is that if everything you did didn't change her? Then you are doing the best thing you can to help her. hugs [/QUOTE]
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