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feeling very hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372615" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Things do seem to be escalating. It is very important to keep seeing the counsellors and even the psychiatrist, even if he misses school. He can make up the schoolwork.</p><p> </p><p>My husband undermined me all the time too. Part of it was because things my son said/did to each of us when the other was not there, partly it was because my husband hates to follow through on anything discipline related, so if I wanted him to do something I was often SOL. </p><p> </p><p>One therapist recommended that I read "Parenting with Love and Logic" and tell her what I thought of it. She had just heard of it, though it was not new, and was trying to see if it had realistic advice/methods. </p><p> </p><p>I STRONGLY recommend getting a copy of "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Fay and Cline. Read it and have your husband read it. Talk to him about how the undermining is going to tear up not just how you feel, but your kids AND your marriage. Let him know that it hurts you and your kids when he does that. THe L&L book, and other books they author, seem to be written in a way that men "get", more so than any other parenting book I have encountered.</p><p> </p><p>Ask your husband to sit down and work out how to present a truly united front to the kids. Ask WHY he undermines you. Use specific incidents. If you can figure out WHY, then you can figure out how to get him to change. THe L&L book seems to bridge that "mars vs venus" gap between moms and dads, at least for quite a few families I know. It also has very effective tools for parenting. L&L uses natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. You can learn more about their various books, and what they are about at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372615, member: 1233"] Things do seem to be escalating. It is very important to keep seeing the counsellors and even the psychiatrist, even if he misses school. He can make up the schoolwork. My husband undermined me all the time too. Part of it was because things my son said/did to each of us when the other was not there, partly it was because my husband hates to follow through on anything discipline related, so if I wanted him to do something I was often SOL. One therapist recommended that I read "Parenting with Love and Logic" and tell her what I thought of it. She had just heard of it, though it was not new, and was trying to see if it had realistic advice/methods. I STRONGLY recommend getting a copy of "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Fay and Cline. Read it and have your husband read it. Talk to him about how the undermining is going to tear up not just how you feel, but your kids AND your marriage. Let him know that it hurts you and your kids when he does that. THe L&L book, and other books they author, seem to be written in a way that men "get", more so than any other parenting book I have encountered. Ask your husband to sit down and work out how to present a truly united front to the kids. Ask WHY he undermines you. Use specific incidents. If you can figure out WHY, then you can figure out how to get him to change. THe L&L book seems to bridge that "mars vs venus" gap between moms and dads, at least for quite a few families I know. It also has very effective tools for parenting. L&L uses natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. You can learn more about their various books, and what they are about at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL]. [/QUOTE]
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