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feeling very hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="barneysmom" data-source="post: 373102" data-attributes="member: 1872"><p>Hi Cactus,</p><p></p><p>Sorry you got hurt. Shocking, isn't it?</p><p></p><p>Both our kids are adopted as infants (not newborns) and both have trouble with rage. In your research, maybe do some reading about the effects of attachment on adopted kids. Attachment issues can manifest in different ways. Not the whole picture, definitely, but a part of it.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Midwest Mom about nature over nurture, that the kids are wired differently than us and may need a different parenting style. It's hard to sort out. Your son may be following a pattern his bio parents might recognize as familial (and maybe not). We don't have those clues. </p><p></p><p>Can you say some more about what your little guy was like earlier on, as an infant and up to now? Not pursuing any line of thought, just wondering, looking for clues that led up to this. Also -- can you think of any little thing of why he may be escalating? Is there a pattern? Our gfg17 starts to escalate every Feb -- his adoption month. This happens a lot with adopted kids. Also there is March madness -- kids can escalate/decompensate when the light changes (not sure how long yours has been escalating). Could your son be worried about school starting? </p><p></p><p>So your husband doesn't get it. Is he in denial? What is his motive for intervening with between you and the kids (for example, I am a relentless peacemaker and I can often cause lots more trouble by trying to make peace between husband and the kids). What kind of parenting style did husband's mommy and daddy have for husband? My husband and I were pretty entrenched in our own parenting styles until we reached somewhat of a happy medium. husband wanted to parent just like his mommy and daddy, and I wanted to do everything different from mine :~)</p><p></p><p>Moms are usually the ones who do the grunt work for difficult children and it can wear you down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="barneysmom, post: 373102, member: 1872"] Hi Cactus, Sorry you got hurt. Shocking, isn't it? Both our kids are adopted as infants (not newborns) and both have trouble with rage. In your research, maybe do some reading about the effects of attachment on adopted kids. Attachment issues can manifest in different ways. Not the whole picture, definitely, but a part of it. I agree with Midwest Mom about nature over nurture, that the kids are wired differently than us and may need a different parenting style. It's hard to sort out. Your son may be following a pattern his bio parents might recognize as familial (and maybe not). We don't have those clues. Can you say some more about what your little guy was like earlier on, as an infant and up to now? Not pursuing any line of thought, just wondering, looking for clues that led up to this. Also -- can you think of any little thing of why he may be escalating? Is there a pattern? Our gfg17 starts to escalate every Feb -- his adoption month. This happens a lot with adopted kids. Also there is March madness -- kids can escalate/decompensate when the light changes (not sure how long yours has been escalating). Could your son be worried about school starting? So your husband doesn't get it. Is he in denial? What is his motive for intervening with between you and the kids (for example, I am a relentless peacemaker and I can often cause lots more trouble by trying to make peace between husband and the kids). What kind of parenting style did husband's mommy and daddy have for husband? My husband and I were pretty entrenched in our own parenting styles until we reached somewhat of a happy medium. husband wanted to parent just like his mommy and daddy, and I wanted to do everything different from mine :~) Moms are usually the ones who do the grunt work for difficult children and it can wear you down. [/QUOTE]
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