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Feeling very sad for my 5 year old daughter-Divorced Single Mom
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 567078" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, I doubt this is just about the divorce, although it certainly isn't helping. But I'm thinking that she probably needs an evaluation to see if other things are going on with her beyond the divorce. </p><p></p><p>My son has gone through a divorce and has a young son (four). His wife ran off with another man and they have 50/50 custody. They are both very different, but my grandson isn't acting out the way your daughter is. He sort of did at first, but he is calming down and accepting the new arrangements and kids are resilient and do get used to two parenting styles when parents refuse to get together. This is more common than you may think! Although it sounds like your ex is rigid and extreme, also sounds like daughter likes being with him and I wouldn't stop that. I think it would cause more problems than it would end. She needs both of you in her life. It would be great if you and ex could sit down at the psychologist together, but doesn't sound like that will happen. It rarely does. Do you have soul custody of your child where you can decide all her major decisions? </p><p></p><p>Beyond the divorce mess, and it is always a mess!, are there are psychiatric or neurological issues on either side of your child's genetic family tree? Anything she may have inherited? Any substance abuse? Any form of high or low functioning autism? Bipolar? Schizophrenia? Anything at all? How does she relate to her same age little peers? Hitting you is not "normal" even if she is going through a divorce. Most kids that age will respond to normal parenting methods, and she isn't. That's why I suggested evaluating her and I like neuropsychs for that. I have raised five kids to teenagehood and the only one who hit me when he was frustrated was my son who is on the autistic spectrum. It is not what most kids do.</p><p></p><p>Seems like you're looking for a fix, such as "If I do this, then things will get better." It probably isn't that simple. </p><p></p><p>Some last few questions: Do either you or your ex have a new SO? If so, how do they handle your daughter? I pesonally never saw spanking change the behavior of a child. Makes no sense to me to say "don't hit me" and then hit the child (spank). </p><p></p><p>I think you need to get her a lot of help. The therapist is a good start, but I would get an evaluation. Your psychologist sounds like he is giving you tips for a typical child, but our difficult children rarely respond to regular parenting tactics. I would definitely get her to a neuropsychologist and go from there.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and keep posting! Others will come along with their thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 567078, member: 1550"] Well, I doubt this is just about the divorce, although it certainly isn't helping. But I'm thinking that she probably needs an evaluation to see if other things are going on with her beyond the divorce. My son has gone through a divorce and has a young son (four). His wife ran off with another man and they have 50/50 custody. They are both very different, but my grandson isn't acting out the way your daughter is. He sort of did at first, but he is calming down and accepting the new arrangements and kids are resilient and do get used to two parenting styles when parents refuse to get together. This is more common than you may think! Although it sounds like your ex is rigid and extreme, also sounds like daughter likes being with him and I wouldn't stop that. I think it would cause more problems than it would end. She needs both of you in her life. It would be great if you and ex could sit down at the psychologist together, but doesn't sound like that will happen. It rarely does. Do you have soul custody of your child where you can decide all her major decisions? Beyond the divorce mess, and it is always a mess!, are there are psychiatric or neurological issues on either side of your child's genetic family tree? Anything she may have inherited? Any substance abuse? Any form of high or low functioning autism? Bipolar? Schizophrenia? Anything at all? How does she relate to her same age little peers? Hitting you is not "normal" even if she is going through a divorce. Most kids that age will respond to normal parenting methods, and she isn't. That's why I suggested evaluating her and I like neuropsychs for that. I have raised five kids to teenagehood and the only one who hit me when he was frustrated was my son who is on the autistic spectrum. It is not what most kids do. Seems like you're looking for a fix, such as "If I do this, then things will get better." It probably isn't that simple. Some last few questions: Do either you or your ex have a new SO? If so, how do they handle your daughter? I pesonally never saw spanking change the behavior of a child. Makes no sense to me to say "don't hit me" and then hit the child (spank). I think you need to get her a lot of help. The therapist is a good start, but I would get an evaluation. Your psychologist sounds like he is giving you tips for a typical child, but our difficult children rarely respond to regular parenting tactics. I would definitely get her to a neuropsychologist and go from there. Hugs and keep posting! Others will come along with their thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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