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Substance Abuse
Feels so wrong
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 749957" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I want to add that Kay is several hours away too, in another state, and nobody lives near her except Lee. Their relationship can be violent, but she won't call the police on him. They are not a cozy couple and Kay is estranged from other family, none that live in her state, so in a very real sense she is also alone. If the kids choose to move from us, that is their decision. I often fretted over this, especially because of the violence in the marriage and our being hours away, until Kay admitted that she liked living away from us. She prefers a distant, combative husband to the family that loves her and has protected her. This was before we withdrew our financial support. She took from us gladly, but did not want to be emotionally or physically close to us. It hurt. </p><p></p><p>I assume that, like Kay, your son can move closer to you if he wants. He and Kay are making a choice to be away from us. </p><p></p><p>I feel badly for your pain and hope something clicks with you so that one day you can see how useless it is to follow your son's life and worry about his choices. When we worry, we don't help them one bit. If we learn scary details, it doesn't change those details. All it does is make us panic over things we can't control. I have been that person up all night, crying, worrying, pacing, and after all that Kay had not changed one bit.</p><p></p><p>Ignorance IS bliss to me. It really is. I have no Facebook account. Right now I have not talked to Kay in weeks. I don't know what she is doing. It has been great for my husband and me. We even took a vacation for two weeks and left our family business to our son during that time. Getting away together was glorious. I feel guilty that the lack of Kay has had a good effect on our family, but I accept it. Accepting what is makes life easier for my husband and me AND my other children.</p><p></p><p>I am ready to start a new life, a less stressful one. You can do this too, but I know it is not easy. I don't blame you at all for what you do. I just feel it is hurting you and not helping your son at all. Be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 749957, member: 23706"] I want to add that Kay is several hours away too, in another state, and nobody lives near her except Lee. Their relationship can be violent, but she won't call the police on him. They are not a cozy couple and Kay is estranged from other family, none that live in her state, so in a very real sense she is also alone. If the kids choose to move from us, that is their decision. I often fretted over this, especially because of the violence in the marriage and our being hours away, until Kay admitted that she liked living away from us. She prefers a distant, combative husband to the family that loves her and has protected her. This was before we withdrew our financial support. She took from us gladly, but did not want to be emotionally or physically close to us. It hurt. I assume that, like Kay, your son can move closer to you if he wants. He and Kay are making a choice to be away from us. I feel badly for your pain and hope something clicks with you so that one day you can see how useless it is to follow your son's life and worry about his choices. When we worry, we don't help them one bit. If we learn scary details, it doesn't change those details. All it does is make us panic over things we can't control. I have been that person up all night, crying, worrying, pacing, and after all that Kay had not changed one bit. Ignorance IS bliss to me. It really is. I have no Facebook account. Right now I have not talked to Kay in weeks. I don't know what she is doing. It has been great for my husband and me. We even took a vacation for two weeks and left our family business to our son during that time. Getting away together was glorious. I feel guilty that the lack of Kay has had a good effect on our family, but I accept it. Accepting what is makes life easier for my husband and me AND my other children. I am ready to start a new life, a less stressful one. You can do this too, but I know it is not easy. I don't blame you at all for what you do. I just feel it is hurting you and not helping your son at all. Be well. [/QUOTE]
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