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Fell off the wagon and had a cig...its a glass half empty day
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 429803" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>confuzzled...</p><p> </p><p>Were you looking for a soft shoulder? or a kick in the butt?</p><p> </p><p>I don't know much about quitting smoking - always said I quit the easy way (never started).</p><p>BUT, I know a whole pile about weight loss - and the psychology of the two issues overlaps somewhat... so, for what its worth...</p><p> </p><p>1) quit beating yourself up about it. THAT will just push you farther down that path. so, you had one. You've actually been doing really, really good. And you can do that again. One every two months or so, is better than one every day or so... or a pack every day or so!</p><p> </p><p>2) caregiver syndrome. been there done that. someone else is kicking my butt about this - so I'll share the kicks! for 5 yrs, haven't done the stuff that needed to be done for me. as a result, I'm running out of resources... burnout, physical exhaustion, etc. When one of the specialists for the kids blew up at me for the way I was reacting... I snapped, in a good way. Turned around and let loose on how difficult it is to track down the right resources to get help for me, when I'm having to spend every waking minute in survival mode trying to get help for the kids... and lo and behold! an offer of help! not directly... but the specialist could tell me WHO to ask for referrals to, to get various things rolling. And, because I have this in writing, won't get pushback from family doctor... so I only had to make ONE phone call. BUT, its really hard to find that one person who can put a couple of pieces in place so you know where to start. If there's someone - anyone - who can give you a small handle to grap, take it.</p><p> </p><p>3) "I have no help". you're right, but they won't see it. kind of like a situation at school... THEY keep telling me that the kid doesn't make use of the resources available to him. I'd like to hit them with a brick. The trick, of course, is that the resources available to him are NOT the resources he needs - and the resources he needs are not available to him. Its not about throwing money at the problem, its about... common sense? oh, I forgot - that seems to be extinct these days! I'm learning to expand my rant - "I do not have access to the resources I need to pull this whole thing together"... which means, each person in the picture is doing something, but too often, what they are doing conflicts with what someone else is doing - and nobody on the planet has any idea of the whole picture except me... and of course, I'm just a dumb parent who doesn't know anything. So, yes, I hear ya!</p><p> </p><p>Find yourself an alternative small stress-buster. It has to be cheap, and something you can do at least every single day. On eof mine is a soak in a hot bath after everyone else is in bed, and (if the day permits) a short nap in the afternoon. For husband, its a dog-walk. Someone else hides in the garden (problem: this has to be done in daylight, and daylight is when most of the problems come up!!). But you get the idea. Find a substitute mini stress-reliever, and use it. </p><p> </p><p>As for the "normal" thing??? Had a great therapist when kids were younger - their therapist, not mine - who, when I commented on things not being normal, said: pardon me? what you're facing is still well within the range of normal, it just isn't "average". Which is why nobody understands... we're not abnormal and we're not average, so what are we???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 429803, member: 11791"] confuzzled... Were you looking for a soft shoulder? or a kick in the butt? I don't know much about quitting smoking - always said I quit the easy way (never started). BUT, I know a whole pile about weight loss - and the psychology of the two issues overlaps somewhat... so, for what its worth... 1) quit beating yourself up about it. THAT will just push you farther down that path. so, you had one. You've actually been doing really, really good. And you can do that again. One every two months or so, is better than one every day or so... or a pack every day or so! 2) caregiver syndrome. been there done that. someone else is kicking my butt about this - so I'll share the kicks! for 5 yrs, haven't done the stuff that needed to be done for me. as a result, I'm running out of resources... burnout, physical exhaustion, etc. When one of the specialists for the kids blew up at me for the way I was reacting... I snapped, in a good way. Turned around and let loose on how difficult it is to track down the right resources to get help for me, when I'm having to spend every waking minute in survival mode trying to get help for the kids... and lo and behold! an offer of help! not directly... but the specialist could tell me WHO to ask for referrals to, to get various things rolling. And, because I have this in writing, won't get pushback from family doctor... so I only had to make ONE phone call. BUT, its really hard to find that one person who can put a couple of pieces in place so you know where to start. If there's someone - anyone - who can give you a small handle to grap, take it. 3) "I have no help". you're right, but they won't see it. kind of like a situation at school... THEY keep telling me that the kid doesn't make use of the resources available to him. I'd like to hit them with a brick. The trick, of course, is that the resources available to him are NOT the resources he needs - and the resources he needs are not available to him. Its not about throwing money at the problem, its about... common sense? oh, I forgot - that seems to be extinct these days! I'm learning to expand my rant - "I do not have access to the resources I need to pull this whole thing together"... which means, each person in the picture is doing something, but too often, what they are doing conflicts with what someone else is doing - and nobody on the planet has any idea of the whole picture except me... and of course, I'm just a dumb parent who doesn't know anything. So, yes, I hear ya! Find yourself an alternative small stress-buster. It has to be cheap, and something you can do at least every single day. On eof mine is a soak in a hot bath after everyone else is in bed, and (if the day permits) a short nap in the afternoon. For husband, its a dog-walk. Someone else hides in the garden (problem: this has to be done in daylight, and daylight is when most of the problems come up!!). But you get the idea. Find a substitute mini stress-reliever, and use it. As for the "normal" thing??? Had a great therapist when kids were younger - their therapist, not mine - who, when I commented on things not being normal, said: pardon me? what you're facing is still well within the range of normal, it just isn't "average". Which is why nobody understands... we're not abnormal and we're not average, so what are we??? [/QUOTE]
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Fell off the wagon and had a cig...its a glass half empty day
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