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Fell off the Warrior Mom Wagon. I need help!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 533263" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>while there is nothing much you can't do in the day, statistics show that there are more crimes, accidents, etc... that happen at night. i don't really care what the difficult child does. I care that it is dashcat's home, she pays the bills and SHE is uncomfortable with her daughter traipsing in at all hours. There is no magic age when a person does ANYTHING. there are some ages when it is legal or developmentally appropriate to do something though. it may or may NOT be dev appropriate IN DASHCAT'S daughter'S CASE for her to go out each night. regardless, if dash is up worrying about her or she is disturbing dashcat's rest, then she needs to be home by a set hour. Period. end of discussion.</p><p></p><p>if difficult child wants to discuss it or doesn't like the rules, she can move out. she can WORK and earn the $$ for her own place - and I think the goal for the difficult child to live there was to earn $$ for her own place. making the rules too comfy at home defeats the purpose for many difficult children, at least ones i have known. it is so easy to live at home that they don't bother to save or look for a way to afford their own place. </p><p></p><p>My bro and I both lived at home as adults. While we didn't have a set curfew, we did have to tell my folks when we would be home - a decent approximation at least. If we were not coming home or would be late, we had to call BEFORE the 10pm. WHY?? Because my folks worked hard and watned to sleep. being out later for work was no big deal, but they wanted to have some clue of when we would be home so they would know if we were hurt. we didn't have cell phones so sometimes it was a hassle, but not calling was just not okay. then one or the other parent would sit up waiting and we ended up regretting that. NOT because a big lecture, but because we then had to make up for inconveniencing them. we also got to do chores or projects to make up for waking them up when we came home later than we said we would. WHY did we have to do this? Because we were rude and inconsiderate. WHY did my parents CARE when we came home? they wanted to know we were safe and even more they watned to know that it was one of us walking up to the house and not a stranger. </p><p></p><p>I simply do not see why it is a big deal for dashcat to enforce a curfew. there is a super simple way for her daughter to never have a curfew - move out and pay her own bills. </p><p></p><p>by the way, as for what you can and cannot do late that you can't do in the morning or any time? MOST people work at least in the afternoons. So there are fewer parties and fewer people to party with. YES, you CAN party, but there are not as many people to party with. Many people are social drinkers/users and generally do not imbibe unless they are in certain situations. So if drugs, etc.. are an issue, a curfew CAN help with this. Check stats in any area - generally the most arrests and problems with users and inappropriate behavior are at night, NOT in the afternoon or morning (after 3-5 depending on state laws re: last call) while people are working or sleeping it off.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear. I don't know if a curfew is worth the hassle, but I DO know that if the curfew is in place - and the difficult child agreed to it - then it is NOT dashcat's fault that her daughter didn't plan a safe way to get a ride home and it is NOT dashcat's fault that her daughter drank too much too drive. that is 110% difficult child's fault. Period. Because dashcat gave her daughter the rules no drinking, no drugs, no overnights, be home by a set time. Her daughter objected to no drinking as unrealistic, and apparently didn't disagree or not much anyway, with the others. </p><p></p><p>I do know that if I were a single woman with an adult child who watned to bring people they didn't know well or had just met into my home for sleepovers - sex involved or not - I would NOT allow it for safety reasons. I also know as a woman who was single and living with a roommate in college that one of the very few unbreakable rules was that if you were not coming home you left a message or called. Why? I mean it was a roomie not a parent. So if something happened then someone would have an idea of approx when I was supposed to call and did not. Again, NO cell phone so iit was a hassle at times. It is a safety thing just as much as a consideration thing. Because it IS easier to kill, rape, kidnap, etc... at night because it is dark. And that is another reason to have the curfew when you live at mom's. So mom can sleep not wondering if you are safe. And yes, apron strings need to be cut, but NOT when the difficult child CHOSE to live with mom and is only working part time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 533263, member: 1233"] while there is nothing much you can't do in the day, statistics show that there are more crimes, accidents, etc... that happen at night. i don't really care what the difficult child does. I care that it is dashcat's home, she pays the bills and SHE is uncomfortable with her daughter traipsing in at all hours. There is no magic age when a person does ANYTHING. there are some ages when it is legal or developmentally appropriate to do something though. it may or may NOT be dev appropriate IN DASHCAT'S daughter'S CASE for her to go out each night. regardless, if dash is up worrying about her or she is disturbing dashcat's rest, then she needs to be home by a set hour. Period. end of discussion. if difficult child wants to discuss it or doesn't like the rules, she can move out. she can WORK and earn the $$ for her own place - and I think the goal for the difficult child to live there was to earn $$ for her own place. making the rules too comfy at home defeats the purpose for many difficult children, at least ones i have known. it is so easy to live at home that they don't bother to save or look for a way to afford their own place. My bro and I both lived at home as adults. While we didn't have a set curfew, we did have to tell my folks when we would be home - a decent approximation at least. If we were not coming home or would be late, we had to call BEFORE the 10pm. WHY?? Because my folks worked hard and watned to sleep. being out later for work was no big deal, but they wanted to have some clue of when we would be home so they would know if we were hurt. we didn't have cell phones so sometimes it was a hassle, but not calling was just not okay. then one or the other parent would sit up waiting and we ended up regretting that. NOT because a big lecture, but because we then had to make up for inconveniencing them. we also got to do chores or projects to make up for waking them up when we came home later than we said we would. WHY did we have to do this? Because we were rude and inconsiderate. WHY did my parents CARE when we came home? they wanted to know we were safe and even more they watned to know that it was one of us walking up to the house and not a stranger. I simply do not see why it is a big deal for dashcat to enforce a curfew. there is a super simple way for her daughter to never have a curfew - move out and pay her own bills. by the way, as for what you can and cannot do late that you can't do in the morning or any time? MOST people work at least in the afternoons. So there are fewer parties and fewer people to party with. YES, you CAN party, but there are not as many people to party with. Many people are social drinkers/users and generally do not imbibe unless they are in certain situations. So if drugs, etc.. are an issue, a curfew CAN help with this. Check stats in any area - generally the most arrests and problems with users and inappropriate behavior are at night, NOT in the afternoon or morning (after 3-5 depending on state laws re: last call) while people are working or sleeping it off. Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear. I don't know if a curfew is worth the hassle, but I DO know that if the curfew is in place - and the difficult child agreed to it - then it is NOT dashcat's fault that her daughter didn't plan a safe way to get a ride home and it is NOT dashcat's fault that her daughter drank too much too drive. that is 110% difficult child's fault. Period. Because dashcat gave her daughter the rules no drinking, no drugs, no overnights, be home by a set time. Her daughter objected to no drinking as unrealistic, and apparently didn't disagree or not much anyway, with the others. I do know that if I were a single woman with an adult child who watned to bring people they didn't know well or had just met into my home for sleepovers - sex involved or not - I would NOT allow it for safety reasons. I also know as a woman who was single and living with a roommate in college that one of the very few unbreakable rules was that if you were not coming home you left a message or called. Why? I mean it was a roomie not a parent. So if something happened then someone would have an idea of approx when I was supposed to call and did not. Again, NO cell phone so iit was a hassle at times. It is a safety thing just as much as a consideration thing. Because it IS easier to kill, rape, kidnap, etc... at night because it is dark. And that is another reason to have the curfew when you live at mom's. So mom can sleep not wondering if you are safe. And yes, apron strings need to be cut, but NOT when the difficult child CHOSE to live with mom and is only working part time. [/QUOTE]
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