Helpless. I wish I had read this sooner. You're where many of us have been and you just need to let it out, then try splashing some cold water on your face and even getting a cool cloth for your forehead. Get into a comfortable position and try to relax your body. It helps to remember that these thoughts are just that - thoughts - they have not happened in real life. In today's age of instantaneous information, even a one day delay feels like a lifetime. Remind yourself - he has gotten himself through every bad day that he has alive, he made it through JAIL (which is probably more dangerous than the street). It is probably something simple - he has no way to charge his phone. He is getting by right now without reaching out to you. He is probably in his addiction right now...he can't call you bc he doesn't want you to be disappointed that he didn't go to rehab like he promised. If he doesn't call you, then he avoids the painful truth that he has failed you again. What you need to do right now immediately is what Copa said and work on helping yourself. Forgive yourself for any unnecessary guilt that you are carrying, remind yourself that only HE can live his life and make his good or bad decisions. You will survive this. We all have good and bad days. Try meditating and breathing. I know when we are all tense and upset the last thing you want to do is breathe, but you would be amazed at how much your body needs deep breaths. I get frustrated bc I have gone through similar feelings and then I tell myself - he's probably having the time of his life right now and I'm sitting here dying. He made the decision to make his life like this. He had opportunities to fix it and he made the choice not to. It has nothing to do with us as parents. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to distract yourself this evening with something else such as watching a funny movie, taking a nice bubble bath, reading a book, calling a friend, or just pampering yourself and relaxing because you need that right now. I will keep thinking of you.
