Oh, I am so glad you posted! 
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
I think you are on the fringes of your emotional healing now, Grace. Once we allow ourselves to hear how we view ourselves, we can address it.
Keep exploring how you hear yourself interpreting who you are.
Strive to be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
Extend to yourself the grace of forgiveness.
We are all making our way through our lives and our worlds in the best way we know.
Are you seeing a therapist already, or using an antidepressant?
Both of these things will help you now, I think.
You have suffered enough, Grace.
The labels you applied to yourself in this post are where to begin.
Weak as compared to what? We are all weak, in comparison to something or someone else. Weak because you are sad or scared?
I am sad and scared all the time.
Literally all the time.
I wish I weren't, but it doesn't make me like myself any less.
Sometimes, I am glad to feel the weakness.
There was a time when I only felt numb.
Why "pathetic"?
There has to be a reason for that choice of label. Pathetic because you are coping with the things you are coping with?
You ARE coping.
That is strong and courageous, not pathetic.
Inadequate.
I feel very ashamed, sometimes. I am appalled, sometimes, at the things I say or do or write. Sometimes, it takes courage just to keep being me, just to acknowledge that, like Popeye the Sailor, I am what I am.
There is a book by Maria Harris: The Dance of Women's Spirituality. In it, these times you are experiencing now are likened to a desert. The shifting emotional currents and understandings of any woman's life are likened to a dance, the mood and tempo constantly changing.
You are new to this dance you are dancing now, Grace.
The music is unfamiliar. Your first efforts to understand the rhythms have not been perfect, but you will get better and better.
Soon enough, there will come a time when you may be able to teach someone else how to dance, when this is the music that is playing for them.
I am sorry for your pain Grace, and for the confusion you feel now.
Barbara
