StressBunny,
MWM makes a very good point. Speaking as one who has both Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and ADHD, I think the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) component is probably the more critical one to address.
Yes, spectrum children definitely need a great deal of down time. Time when there's no pressure to be "normal", to suppress stims, to understand social rules, to interact with others, whatever. Your difficult child's IEP can address all of these things, as well as concrete study skills, adaptations for learning styles, social skills, etc.
Another book I will suggest that you look into is:
http://www.amazon.com/Unwritten-Rules-Social-Relationships-Perspectives/dp/193256506X
It's written by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron, and it really provides great insight into the difficulties that children on the spectrum face when trying to learn to socialize effectively with other people.
Honestly, it was like Temple was wandering around inside my head, when she described how she thinks and interacts with people. Sean Barron's descriptions, on the other hand, fit my difficult child to a tee.
I would agree that the life skills and social skills components are critical. Learning how to focus and concentrate will sometimes come much more easily, when the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) stuff is taken care of.
Trinity
