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First-time hospitalization
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 737920" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am having a very hard time righting myself. It is as if the person of before died...and the reborn one is not equipped to handle what is presenting itself. My greatest success was through my work, but I am not the person anymore who can do that work, at least, in the sphere in which I worked. And to work in a new sphere, to launch myself anew, requires a stamina, self-love and focus that I have not yet summon up, and as I keep getting knocked down anew, begin to doubt I will ever summon up.</p><p></p><p>But I am down right now. I will feel better.</p><p> I never felt my life was perfect. But I felt that love trumped everything. I never doubted that my love was enough to make my son okay. That is what has changed. </p><p></p><p>This sense, this absolute faith in love, I am coming to see as a fantasy. And with that awareness, a crushing sense that my whole life was based upon self-deception. To some extent. My son cannot be my g-d. It was never right for him or me. I see that. But to me, my love for him was everything good in my life. The end all.</p><p></p><p>In the deeper sense, I believe that this kind of disillusion with illusion is the basis of great faith. And I have the belief that I will come out on the other side. Very sad am I.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 737920, member: 18958"] I am having a very hard time righting myself. It is as if the person of before died...and the reborn one is not equipped to handle what is presenting itself. My greatest success was through my work, but I am not the person anymore who can do that work, at least, in the sphere in which I worked. And to work in a new sphere, to launch myself anew, requires a stamina, self-love and focus that I have not yet summon up, and as I keep getting knocked down anew, begin to doubt I will ever summon up. But I am down right now. I will feel better. I never felt my life was perfect. But I felt that love trumped everything. I never doubted that my love was enough to make my son okay. That is what has changed. This sense, this absolute faith in love, I am coming to see as a fantasy. And with that awareness, a crushing sense that my whole life was based upon self-deception. To some extent. My son cannot be my g-d. It was never right for him or me. I see that. But to me, my love for him was everything good in my life. The end all. In the deeper sense, I believe that this kind of disillusion with illusion is the basis of great faith. And I have the belief that I will come out on the other side. Very sad am I. [/QUOTE]
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