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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 730616" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have mental health issues...probably similar to your sons and they started early in my life....depression and anxiety. Very severe in high school, 20s and early 30s. I had no family support at all. by the way depression and anxiety are very common and treatable. The thing is your son made the choice to take drugs. I decided that any drugs, even alcohol, would make me worse so I lived a normal life and fought for myself and never got help from family and I am glad. With nobody to nurture me and coddle me for having mental illness, not even my first husband who didn't get it it, I had to be strong and get help on my own. I did! I admitted myself to a hospital and spent ten weeks there to take steps to get well. It took time to learn how to help myself but I slowly did by getting and complying with help and never using drugs. I had kids to take care of. I couldn't be on drugs. And your son is not forced to not grow up and spit in the eye of authority. ODD is a disorder kids get. Your grown son with the tall frame, hairy body and deep voice does not have to spit at authority. He is choosing to do so. And he is abusing you. Do you have other kids? If you do, you certainly know that his biggest enemy is himself. But he isn't very nice to others either, not now anyway. Have you ever gone to Al Anon or therapy for YOU? You matter. Alot!</p><p></p><p>I was very immature too. But I did life without much help. Your son is 31. Society doesn't give a rats if you think he is thirteen emotionally. Society WILL treat him as 31. He will never grow up if he doesn't have to. I may not have grown up either if my parents had worried more about me than I cared about myself.</p><p></p><p>Your son's main problem to me is drug abuse because you can't diagnose or treat mental illness with an addictive brain. He lived with you before and relapsed. How about rehab or the streets? And he can't quit rehab or he is out on his own? A few here have done that. He should be in his own place anyway, even if he chooses to not work and go to a shelter and get a food card.</p><p></p><p>Your son needs to help himself. He can. It's not hard to ask for help and he knows where to go for it. You can't do a thing. He is nearing middle age and has to do the work himself, like I did. Whatever got him in jail, he made more horrible choices. I would have never let a child who went to jail ever live with us again. My kids all knew that jail was a boundary they could not cross. I had one drug user, age 12-19, and I made her leave. She quit!!! She is 34 and clean, a homeowner and a great mom and I cried forever after I made her leave. But she quit cocaine and meth. And she has not relapsed. Now.....</p><p></p><p>My parents lack of help was because they didn't care or get it, but it actually helped me more. And my decision to be sober made it easier for me to get treatment. 10 percent of all people have anxiety disorders. Depression is very common too. Both are treatable but not while a person takes any illicit drugs. Or if the person refuses treatment.</p><p></p><p>I understand your fear for him, but it is a fact that he will be alone one day. The longer he is childlike dependent on you, the harder it will be for him to grow up.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helped a little.</p><p></p><p>Love and light ,<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 730616, member: 1550"] I have mental health issues...probably similar to your sons and they started early in my life....depression and anxiety. Very severe in high school, 20s and early 30s. I had no family support at all. by the way depression and anxiety are very common and treatable. The thing is your son made the choice to take drugs. I decided that any drugs, even alcohol, would make me worse so I lived a normal life and fought for myself and never got help from family and I am glad. With nobody to nurture me and coddle me for having mental illness, not even my first husband who didn't get it it, I had to be strong and get help on my own. I did! I admitted myself to a hospital and spent ten weeks there to take steps to get well. It took time to learn how to help myself but I slowly did by getting and complying with help and never using drugs. I had kids to take care of. I couldn't be on drugs. And your son is not forced to not grow up and spit in the eye of authority. ODD is a disorder kids get. Your grown son with the tall frame, hairy body and deep voice does not have to spit at authority. He is choosing to do so. And he is abusing you. Do you have other kids? If you do, you certainly know that his biggest enemy is himself. But he isn't very nice to others either, not now anyway. Have you ever gone to Al Anon or therapy for YOU? You matter. Alot! I was very immature too. But I did life without much help. Your son is 31. Society doesn't give a rats if you think he is thirteen emotionally. Society WILL treat him as 31. He will never grow up if he doesn't have to. I may not have grown up either if my parents had worried more about me than I cared about myself. Your son's main problem to me is drug abuse because you can't diagnose or treat mental illness with an addictive brain. He lived with you before and relapsed. How about rehab or the streets? And he can't quit rehab or he is out on his own? A few here have done that. He should be in his own place anyway, even if he chooses to not work and go to a shelter and get a food card. Your son needs to help himself. He can. It's not hard to ask for help and he knows where to go for it. You can't do a thing. He is nearing middle age and has to do the work himself, like I did. Whatever got him in jail, he made more horrible choices. I would have never let a child who went to jail ever live with us again. My kids all knew that jail was a boundary they could not cross. I had one drug user, age 12-19, and I made her leave. She quit!!! She is 34 and clean, a homeowner and a great mom and I cried forever after I made her leave. But she quit cocaine and meth. And she has not relapsed. Now..... My parents lack of help was because they didn't care or get it, but it actually helped me more. And my decision to be sober made it easier for me to get treatment. 10 percent of all people have anxiety disorders. Depression is very common too. Both are treatable but not while a person takes any illicit drugs. Or if the person refuses treatment. I understand your fear for him, but it is a fact that he will be alone one day. The longer he is childlike dependent on you, the harder it will be for him to grow up. I hope this helped a little. Love and light ,:) [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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