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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 730634" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Patty. Hi. There is no one size fits all. Our kids are different. So are we.</p><p></p><p>For some of us there is a before and after.</p><p></p><p>For others a spiral. A process. A dialog. A conversation.</p><p></p><p>My own son now 29 as we speak is here in my house until the first. I have found that completely throwing him out does not help him or me. But that does not mean there are no boundaries. And I do throw him out (we own another house, where he stays, apart from us, too) when he will not listen. As time goes by it seems more and more he cannot tolerate being homeless or in halfway houses. Whether this will motivate him is an open question.</p><p></p><p>Does that mean he will conform to our expectations? We keep trying. As long as he does too we will keep at it.</p><p></p><p>So, that is our version of this.</p><p></p><p>My son does not have a dependency to hard drugs. I am unsure how I would respond to that. The danger is so great. I think I would want to protect him but know I could not. That by protecting him I exposed him to greater risk.</p><p></p><p>The thing you do not mention in your latest post (as writes new leaf) is this: your best interest. You count in this too. Very much. In fact it is a necessity that you matter. To you. It will help him, too. But you have to matter.</p><p></p><p>And be careful to not fall on your sword. You did not cause this. Any loving parent would want to do anything, sacrifice anything, to save their child. The thing is: it does not work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 730634, member: 18958"] Patty. Hi. There is no one size fits all. Our kids are different. So are we. For some of us there is a before and after. For others a spiral. A process. A dialog. A conversation. My own son now 29 as we speak is here in my house until the first. I have found that completely throwing him out does not help him or me. But that does not mean there are no boundaries. And I do throw him out (we own another house, where he stays, apart from us, too) when he will not listen. As time goes by it seems more and more he cannot tolerate being homeless or in halfway houses. Whether this will motivate him is an open question. Does that mean he will conform to our expectations? We keep trying. As long as he does too we will keep at it. So, that is our version of this. My son does not have a dependency to hard drugs. I am unsure how I would respond to that. The danger is so great. I think I would want to protect him but know I could not. That by protecting him I exposed him to greater risk. The thing you do not mention in your latest post (as writes new leaf) is this: your best interest. You count in this too. Very much. In fact it is a necessity that you matter. To you. It will help him, too. But you have to matter. And be careful to not fall on your sword. You did not cause this. Any loving parent would want to do anything, sacrifice anything, to save their child. The thing is: it does not work. [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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