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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="PattyK" data-source="post: 730635" data-attributes="member: 22937"><p>Leafy, I am crying. Everything everything you have said hits the mark. First of all Im crying for both of us. Im so sorry for the grief you must have gone through and continue to feel for your daughters and in losing your husband in the midst. It seems too much to bear. That is so similar to what i went through when both sons were using heroin and hubs lost in alcohol. Its an incredibly lonely place. No one in my world could understand or walk with me through it. It was just too raw for those in my world. But here you are. Right where I was and am. There’s just something about the way you spoke. everything you said felt so personal and immediate. We gave so much over and over for years. Trying to find what they need “right now” only to have them squander it. Every opportunity squandered and treated as if it just isn’t enough. The being well for a few days then going back to status. The being asleep when we go to work everyday. The offers to help with schooling, help with rehab, helping to find resources, all the searching for them, just to have it all dismissed. And we don’t have a lot of money either. But it is clear he feels we owe him a safe place to live even while he feels he owes us nothing. He is comfortable and I am not. I anguish every day and he just sleeps in. Even when he works his money doesn’t go far enough. He’s always borrowing $20 here and there, even when he pays none of his own bills. After years of helping, he doesn’t get better at home when he has no responsibility. Just like you said. Even when he isn’t in the grips of illegal drug use (like now with Methadone) he still doesn’t take the steps to live independently. He spends his money on what he wants and then comes to us for necessities. When my miserableness shows, im made to feel like im the one who is unstable and selfish. </p><p></p><p>You are one wise lady. It is clear you have been refined by fire. You give me courage to believe that I can be brave too. That I can find the courage to stand up to my son, my fears, and my hubs obvious desire to continue having his son at home. He’s even more of an enabler than i am. I'm always the “bad guy”. And yet we are still in the same predicament because all i do is complain but take no action. Thank you for taking the time you did to reply. I will be reading and rereading your post. I have been thinking all day about the best way to proceed. I know things can’t stay this way, even if things “seem” relatively calm. My son rules this house, does what he wants and has us well trained to submit. This is not good for him. I pray constantly. I believe He led me to this sight. I need the kind, understanding and honesty that i have received here. With this group I feel i can actually make progress and do things differently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PattyK, post: 730635, member: 22937"] Leafy, I am crying. Everything everything you have said hits the mark. First of all Im crying for both of us. Im so sorry for the grief you must have gone through and continue to feel for your daughters and in losing your husband in the midst. It seems too much to bear. That is so similar to what i went through when both sons were using heroin and hubs lost in alcohol. Its an incredibly lonely place. No one in my world could understand or walk with me through it. It was just too raw for those in my world. But here you are. Right where I was and am. There’s just something about the way you spoke. everything you said felt so personal and immediate. We gave so much over and over for years. Trying to find what they need “right now” only to have them squander it. Every opportunity squandered and treated as if it just isn’t enough. The being well for a few days then going back to status. The being asleep when we go to work everyday. The offers to help with schooling, help with rehab, helping to find resources, all the searching for them, just to have it all dismissed. And we don’t have a lot of money either. But it is clear he feels we owe him a safe place to live even while he feels he owes us nothing. He is comfortable and I am not. I anguish every day and he just sleeps in. Even when he works his money doesn’t go far enough. He’s always borrowing $20 here and there, even when he pays none of his own bills. After years of helping, he doesn’t get better at home when he has no responsibility. Just like you said. Even when he isn’t in the grips of illegal drug use (like now with Methadone) he still doesn’t take the steps to live independently. He spends his money on what he wants and then comes to us for necessities. When my miserableness shows, im made to feel like im the one who is unstable and selfish. You are one wise lady. It is clear you have been refined by fire. You give me courage to believe that I can be brave too. That I can find the courage to stand up to my son, my fears, and my hubs obvious desire to continue having his son at home. He’s even more of an enabler than i am. I'm always the “bad guy”. And yet we are still in the same predicament because all i do is complain but take no action. Thank you for taking the time you did to reply. I will be reading and rereading your post. I have been thinking all day about the best way to proceed. I know things can’t stay this way, even if things “seem” relatively calm. My son rules this house, does what he wants and has us well trained to submit. This is not good for him. I pray constantly. I believe He led me to this sight. I need the kind, understanding and honesty that i have received here. With this group I feel i can actually make progress and do things differently. [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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