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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="PattyK" data-source="post: 730637" data-attributes="member: 22937"><p>Copobanana, I appreciate the permission to work things out according to what works for us. It is so hard when my husband also makes me feel selfish for wanting my son to be independent. It’s like he feels as parents we have an obligation to provide, the way we would if our son were physically disabled or as we would if he had Down’s syndrome. Im just made to feel as if they believe im selfish. I have asked my hubs a thousand times if he thinks its in our sons best interest that we allow him to live off of us. I tell him i think we are doing him harm. My hub says not a word and walks away. And gives him money when my son asks. I handle the money. My hubs is like my son. He just expects money to be in the account when he wants it. </p><p></p><p>So I have that mountain to climb too. I do try to take care of myself. But that looks like me staying in my studio (a working artist) and try to forget for just a few hours the dysfunction in my home and the fears I have of the harm we do our son. But there is always a deep sense of grief and sadness. I try so hard to get to the place that I decide to just disconnect and let things drift in order to not rock the boat and then the very next day I feel on the verge of totally loosing it in sheer frustration. That terrible place of trying to make everyone happy and convince myself its all good is taking its toll. To take the kind of stand I need to take will rock my home and alienate my son and my husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PattyK, post: 730637, member: 22937"] Copobanana, I appreciate the permission to work things out according to what works for us. It is so hard when my husband also makes me feel selfish for wanting my son to be independent. It’s like he feels as parents we have an obligation to provide, the way we would if our son were physically disabled or as we would if he had Down’s syndrome. Im just made to feel as if they believe im selfish. I have asked my hubs a thousand times if he thinks its in our sons best interest that we allow him to live off of us. I tell him i think we are doing him harm. My hub says not a word and walks away. And gives him money when my son asks. I handle the money. My hubs is like my son. He just expects money to be in the account when he wants it. So I have that mountain to climb too. I do try to take care of myself. But that looks like me staying in my studio (a working artist) and try to forget for just a few hours the dysfunction in my home and the fears I have of the harm we do our son. But there is always a deep sense of grief and sadness. I try so hard to get to the place that I decide to just disconnect and let things drift in order to not rock the boat and then the very next day I feel on the verge of totally loosing it in sheer frustration. That terrible place of trying to make everyone happy and convince myself its all good is taking its toll. To take the kind of stand I need to take will rock my home and alienate my son and my husband. [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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