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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="PattyK" data-source="post: 730645" data-attributes="member: 22937"><p>Copabanana, you are right. Im very hard on myself. I assume if there’s a problem then I'm the cause. Goes back to early childhood issues. Even though I know it in my head, my heart still goes there. Thats partly why its hard for me to make a firm decision-I just second guess myself. That’s my stuff and complicates things. And you are right. My hubs has a right to his voice as well. But Im convinced we have handicapped our son by giving in to everything he asks for. We rescue him constantly. As Leafy said, Im fast tracking and want things made right immediately. There is time to slow down and think this through. But ive been in this place of feeling he won’t grow up until he has to for a couple of years now. But hubs isn’t of the same mind set. He grieved so deeply both times I made our son leave because of active drug use in the house, stealing from us and bringing not good people into our home when we were at work. Our son has improved a lot over the last few years. On Methadone his drug behaviors not so radical, but there is still that refusal to behave responsibly with his money and get serious about his career (or lack thereof), and live like an adult instead of a teenager. And yes to Crayola13, when all the wheels fall off his wagon and he has major anxiety, he does relapse. That’s not an excuse, I know. But he doesn’t. </p><p>Leafy, your compassion and wise counsel are priceless to me. I’m so glad you got to the point of “nevermore”. And I believe, like you, the end of the story hasn’t yet been written. There is hope. Today is not forever. People do find freedom from addiction. We parents have such high hopes for them and see their great potential. And it is devastating to lose them to the world of drugs or other conduct disorders. For my part I just want to do what is right for my son. Whatever that is. Even if that meant never seeing him again. Because I want him to thrive. It is believing and trusting my decisions that is so hard. I am so incredibly thankful to have found this group. I will try to find a calm place from which to think this through and hopefully find the right voice that will encourage my hubs to open up to me and share his thoughts. Thank you all again so much for taking the time to talk with me and share your thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PattyK, post: 730645, member: 22937"] Copabanana, you are right. Im very hard on myself. I assume if there’s a problem then I'm the cause. Goes back to early childhood issues. Even though I know it in my head, my heart still goes there. Thats partly why its hard for me to make a firm decision-I just second guess myself. That’s my stuff and complicates things. And you are right. My hubs has a right to his voice as well. But Im convinced we have handicapped our son by giving in to everything he asks for. We rescue him constantly. As Leafy said, Im fast tracking and want things made right immediately. There is time to slow down and think this through. But ive been in this place of feeling he won’t grow up until he has to for a couple of years now. But hubs isn’t of the same mind set. He grieved so deeply both times I made our son leave because of active drug use in the house, stealing from us and bringing not good people into our home when we were at work. Our son has improved a lot over the last few years. On Methadone his drug behaviors not so radical, but there is still that refusal to behave responsibly with his money and get serious about his career (or lack thereof), and live like an adult instead of a teenager. And yes to Crayola13, when all the wheels fall off his wagon and he has major anxiety, he does relapse. That’s not an excuse, I know. But he doesn’t. Leafy, your compassion and wise counsel are priceless to me. I’m so glad you got to the point of “nevermore”. And I believe, like you, the end of the story hasn’t yet been written. There is hope. Today is not forever. People do find freedom from addiction. We parents have such high hopes for them and see their great potential. And it is devastating to lose them to the world of drugs or other conduct disorders. For my part I just want to do what is right for my son. Whatever that is. Even if that meant never seeing him again. Because I want him to thrive. It is believing and trusting my decisions that is so hard. I am so incredibly thankful to have found this group. I will try to find a calm place from which to think this through and hopefully find the right voice that will encourage my hubs to open up to me and share his thoughts. Thank you all again so much for taking the time to talk with me and share your thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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