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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 730652" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Patty, welcome. I'm sorry you continue to struggle with your son's choices and behavior. This path with our adult troubled kids is very challenging.</p><p></p><p>I have an adult daughter whose been off the rails for years, no substance abuse, mental illness issues, no diagnosis, no medication. I've needed to learn a very different way to parent.</p><p></p><p>For some perspective and information, you might enjoy reading the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If you haven't already, you might contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they can be accessed online. They offer parent courses which provide guidance, support, resources and information which are excellent. They may be able to help you navigate the terrain to support you and your son. What I've found over the years is that the more support I have, the better I feel and the difficult choices we face become more manageable if you have someone to talk to and work thru your own issues with.</p><p></p><p>There are a few books which helped as well, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie is a good general resource. The power of now and The new earth by Eckhart Tolle helped me to learn how to stay in the moment and not jump into the future to worry and try to figure out how to avert catastrophe. Pema Chodron (who is a Buddhist nun who speaks to living with uncertainty and fear) has excellent books like Comfortable with uncertainty and When things fall apart. They helped me to develop a different perspective as I was learning how to live with so many unknowns.</p><p></p><p>I would encourage you to find a good support system. You seem very much alone and without support. It's unfortunate that your husband is not on the same page as you, it seems you are the only one willing to face the truth, which can be an isolating place to be. Perhaps a call to NAMI can offer you a support system and then some reasonable options for you to consider.</p><p></p><p>Many parents find solace and comfort in the 12 step groups, Families Anonymous, Narc Anon and CoDa may be good resources for you.</p><p></p><p>You matter too. Your needs and desires matter. You've been in the midst of substance abuse for a long time. You see the truth and those around you deny the truth. That's a crummy place to be.</p><p></p><p>Find a support system, a therapist well versed in addiction and mental illness, a support group, some place you can be where YOU get the support YOU need to figure out YOUR best options. As you get support and put yourself as the priority, you'll find the options you need to make healthy choices for you and for your son. There are no right answers, we all do what we can bear, however, the path eases up quite a bit when OUR concerns our seen and heard, when OUR voices are recognized.......when OUR fears, grief, disappointments, angers and powerlessness are acknowledged and held with compassion and empathy. When WE are cared for, when we offer ourselves the same kindness and compassion we offer our kids, we begin to find the answers we seek. Take care of you now. You deserve it. You've been on a long, tough, lonely journey, it's time to take care of you.......do that first.....each day do something kind and nourishing for yourself....</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, it helps. I'm glad you're here, we'll circle the wagons around you as you find your way..........you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 730652, member: 13542"] Patty, welcome. I'm sorry you continue to struggle with your son's choices and behavior. This path with our adult troubled kids is very challenging. I have an adult daughter whose been off the rails for years, no substance abuse, mental illness issues, no diagnosis, no medication. I've needed to learn a very different way to parent. For some perspective and information, you might enjoy reading the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If you haven't already, you might contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they can be accessed online. They offer parent courses which provide guidance, support, resources and information which are excellent. They may be able to help you navigate the terrain to support you and your son. What I've found over the years is that the more support I have, the better I feel and the difficult choices we face become more manageable if you have someone to talk to and work thru your own issues with. There are a few books which helped as well, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie is a good general resource. The power of now and The new earth by Eckhart Tolle helped me to learn how to stay in the moment and not jump into the future to worry and try to figure out how to avert catastrophe. Pema Chodron (who is a Buddhist nun who speaks to living with uncertainty and fear) has excellent books like Comfortable with uncertainty and When things fall apart. They helped me to develop a different perspective as I was learning how to live with so many unknowns. I would encourage you to find a good support system. You seem very much alone and without support. It's unfortunate that your husband is not on the same page as you, it seems you are the only one willing to face the truth, which can be an isolating place to be. Perhaps a call to NAMI can offer you a support system and then some reasonable options for you to consider. Many parents find solace and comfort in the 12 step groups, Families Anonymous, Narc Anon and CoDa may be good resources for you. You matter too. Your needs and desires matter. You've been in the midst of substance abuse for a long time. You see the truth and those around you deny the truth. That's a crummy place to be. Find a support system, a therapist well versed in addiction and mental illness, a support group, some place you can be where YOU get the support YOU need to figure out YOUR best options. As you get support and put yourself as the priority, you'll find the options you need to make healthy choices for you and for your son. There are no right answers, we all do what we can bear, however, the path eases up quite a bit when OUR concerns our seen and heard, when OUR voices are recognized.......when OUR fears, grief, disappointments, angers and powerlessness are acknowledged and held with compassion and empathy. When WE are cared for, when we offer ourselves the same kindness and compassion we offer our kids, we begin to find the answers we seek. Take care of you now. You deserve it. You've been on a long, tough, lonely journey, it's time to take care of you.......do that first.....each day do something kind and nourishing for yourself.... Keep posting, it helps. I'm glad you're here, we'll circle the wagons around you as you find your way..........you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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First time posting, son 31, heroin addict, living at home, sober and stable for months, then not
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