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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753810" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Welcome! </p><p>I relate to the pain you are feeling .From what you describe, I would guess that your son is an addict. His compulsion to use overrides everything else in his life. He will throw his own Mother under the bus in order to feed his disease. </p><p></p><p>I read something yesterday that is a summary of Al-Anon's message (Al-Anon is a support group for family members of alcoholics and addicts and has helped me tremendously in the last 3 years), in my view. It is by Marcus Aurelius , one of the stoics:" Stop caring what others think. Stop caring what others do. Stop caring what others feel." It is the secret to tranquility. </p><p></p><p>I am 52. I have to ask myself how much longer I will be on the planet. If this was my last day, would I want to engrossed in someone else's disease or my own well-being? I devoted 24 years to child-rearing. Now is my time. To make me feel good. To live full on. </p><p></p><p>Your son will find his way best if you do exactly what you have started to do: set boundaries, say no to any requests for money (no is a complete sentence) , and be less available .I no longer listen to threats, accusations, raised voices, definitions of my character, or name calling. I just walk away. </p><p></p><p>Tending to ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually will pay the largest dividends on life. Our most important relationship throughout our lives (after a Higher Power for those who believe in something greater than themselves) is with ourselves .I find when I nurture that and put the full focus on myself, I find joy and contentment .</p><p></p><p>One thing I can do for others is to pray for them. To hold them to their highest good in my mind (because our thoughts are prayers) and allow something larger than me to take care of them (life itself). </p><p></p><p>Sending love and light to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753810, member: 24254"] Welcome! I relate to the pain you are feeling .From what you describe, I would guess that your son is an addict. His compulsion to use overrides everything else in his life. He will throw his own Mother under the bus in order to feed his disease. I read something yesterday that is a summary of Al-Anon's message (Al-Anon is a support group for family members of alcoholics and addicts and has helped me tremendously in the last 3 years), in my view. It is by Marcus Aurelius , one of the stoics:" Stop caring what others think. Stop caring what others do. Stop caring what others feel." It is the secret to tranquility. I am 52. I have to ask myself how much longer I will be on the planet. If this was my last day, would I want to engrossed in someone else's disease or my own well-being? I devoted 24 years to child-rearing. Now is my time. To make me feel good. To live full on. Your son will find his way best if you do exactly what you have started to do: set boundaries, say no to any requests for money (no is a complete sentence) , and be less available .I no longer listen to threats, accusations, raised voices, definitions of my character, or name calling. I just walk away. Tending to ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually will pay the largest dividends on life. Our most important relationship throughout our lives (after a Higher Power for those who believe in something greater than themselves) is with ourselves .I find when I nurture that and put the full focus on myself, I find joy and contentment . One thing I can do for others is to pray for them. To hold them to their highest good in my mind (because our thoughts are prayers) and allow something larger than me to take care of them (life itself). Sending love and light to you! [/QUOTE]
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