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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 753883" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Calgary Mom. I'm just getting caught up here. If you read my signature you will get a good idea of what I have dealt with.</p><p></p><p>I think you have made some very healthy choices to detach from your son. Detaching does not mean that we no longer love our children it just means that we will no longer allow them to manipulate us.</p><p></p><p>Something that really helped me when I was detaching from my son was to have some basic standard answers for when he would ask for money.</p><p>Son: Mom, you need to help me. I need money for "whatever crisis he's in"</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you.</p><p>Son: You have to help me!</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you.</p><p>Son: If you loved me you would help me. I know you have the money. I'll pay you back, I promise!!!!</p><p>Mom: Someones at the door, gotta run. Love you! Bye.</p><p></p><p>The key to all of this is not engage into a debate. One thing I never do is say "I'm sorry, but I can't help you" I never offer an apology as there is nothing to apologize for. </p><p>My son is also a master at manipulation and I've learned to not engage into a debate/argument. He is really good at talking in circles and leaves me feeling dizzy! </p><p>We do not owe our adult children any kind of explanation as to why we will not give them money or come to their rescue. They are adults and should be dealing with their own issues.</p><p></p><p>You are doing great!! Keep posting and reading what others have to say. You got this!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 753883, member: 18516"] Hi Calgary Mom. I'm just getting caught up here. If you read my signature you will get a good idea of what I have dealt with. I think you have made some very healthy choices to detach from your son. Detaching does not mean that we no longer love our children it just means that we will no longer allow them to manipulate us. Something that really helped me when I was detaching from my son was to have some basic standard answers for when he would ask for money. Son: Mom, you need to help me. I need money for "whatever crisis he's in" Mom: I'm not able to help you. Son: You have to help me! Mom: I'm not able to help you. Son: If you loved me you would help me. I know you have the money. I'll pay you back, I promise!!!! Mom: Someones at the door, gotta run. Love you! Bye. The key to all of this is not engage into a debate. One thing I never do is say "I'm sorry, but I can't help you" I never offer an apology as there is nothing to apologize for. My son is also a master at manipulation and I've learned to not engage into a debate/argument. He is really good at talking in circles and leaves me feeling dizzy! We do not owe our adult children any kind of explanation as to why we will not give them money or come to their rescue. They are adults and should be dealing with their own issues. You are doing great!! Keep posting and reading what others have to say. You got this!! [/QUOTE]
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