You can set up a conditioned response without intending to. Pavlov did it - the dogs did not intend to salivate when the bell went, they had no interest in learning this, but it was done to them.
In the same way, you can condition your kids. Or anyone. Purely by association, you connect sound, sight or anything to the experience they have while normally exposed to that. So if you only play certain music while they are sitting alone and doing schoolwork, they will associate (whether they want to or not) that music with the mental feeling of being focussed and on task. it will then actually help them 'switch' into focussing on the schoolwork. Without understanding why, they will find that although they may not especially like that music, it does help them concentrate.
That's just an example - you can use other things.
Something to guard against is negative reinforcement - having anything around which, by association, increases anxiety. An example - our dentist has a lovely tranquil tropical island poster on the ceiling of his surgery. But if you have to visit the dentist too often for unpleasant procedures, seeing the same poster in a travel agent's window will make you want to walk away because you feel anxious.
You can use this trick in many other ways - I used to take my pain killing medications with a hot coffee, so the medications would dissolve faster and be absorbed faster. I didn't realise I was setting myself up for conditioned response - what happened was I began to connect the taste of coffee with the reduction in pain soon after. One day I ran out of pain killers so I just had the coffee - it worked. I tried it again and found that the conditioning effect wore off gradually over three days without pain medications, but I was able to condition myself again.
So if you have a child who takes ANYTHING as a one-off treatment for an acute situation (such as anxiety) then if you link the medication with a meditation/visualisation, perhaps using a photograph or music, you can later on use JUST the visualisation, or the photo, or the music to stimulate the reaction, because just as the benefit of the medications kick in, you're deep in the visualisation too. This can be very powerful in its effect.
difficult child 3 won't do relaxation exercises. I can't slow him down enough to sit there and think for long enough - his brain is too active. But the music works for him, and he's accidentally conditioned himself in other ways, in terms of where he prefers to do schoolwork for each subject. Example - maths in his bedroom. English on the floor of the dining room. Science on the dining table. So if he's having trouble settling to work, I look at what subject he's working on, then look at where he's put himself. Sometimes I suggest a change in location to his usual spot and hey presto! he's working again!
Marg
