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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 450865" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I also disagree with Marg....probably for the first time, lol. When little difficult child was five or six his first friend introduced him to the "zipper game". When he and his friend were playing in our home I innocently sent easy child/difficult child to go get difficult child and his friend so they could have a snack in the kitchen. Pow! easy child/difficult child walked in on them, got me and as I walked into the room the friend was finiwhing getting dressed. The neighbor Mother was a neighbor friend and she and her husband were very very religious. In prior conversations she had shared with me that she was molested as a child.</p><p>Coincidentally the family was moving to a new house the very next day. I waited a week or two and then called her to meet me for a cup of coffee at a nearby restaurant. Shock! She totally did not believe what I said. She insisted that her son often rearranged his clothes because he liked to look perfect. Believe me I spoke softly, calmly and with a great deal of quiet concern and compassion. Not!</p><p></p><p>I took difficult child out of town to a specialist who met with difficult child. She assured me that it had happend but that since I was a good listener and well connected to difficult child that she expected no reason for therapy as it would just reinforce the event and give it too much emphasis. That is the advice I followed and for us it worked out ok. At that point I used the skills that Marg outlined.</p><p></p><p><strong>But</strong> I strongly feel that you need to hook up with the other Mom. I don't feel there should be any accusations. To me it makes sense to simply say "X we both have challenging sons. Sometimes they make poor choices and it is hard to know what they are thinking. Have you ever looked through your son's ipod when he is not around? It's possible that if you do that there may be some inappropriate information that you will find. Meanwhile I think the two boys are not a good friendship combination at this time but hope we will be able to remain friendly."</p><p></p><p>Something like that will give a head's up but not be accusatory. The ball will be in her court. Meanwhile you can seek out a play camp, sport or other children's activity to fill the void for difficult child. It is an awkward and scarey position to be in but I honestly believe he has to be addressed. Hopefully your friend will take heed and not play ostrich like my former neighbor did. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 450865, member: 35"] I also disagree with Marg....probably for the first time, lol. When little difficult child was five or six his first friend introduced him to the "zipper game". When he and his friend were playing in our home I innocently sent easy child/difficult child to go get difficult child and his friend so they could have a snack in the kitchen. Pow! easy child/difficult child walked in on them, got me and as I walked into the room the friend was finiwhing getting dressed. The neighbor Mother was a neighbor friend and she and her husband were very very religious. In prior conversations she had shared with me that she was molested as a child. Coincidentally the family was moving to a new house the very next day. I waited a week or two and then called her to meet me for a cup of coffee at a nearby restaurant. Shock! She totally did not believe what I said. She insisted that her son often rearranged his clothes because he liked to look perfect. Believe me I spoke softly, calmly and with a great deal of quiet concern and compassion. Not! I took difficult child out of town to a specialist who met with difficult child. She assured me that it had happend but that since I was a good listener and well connected to difficult child that she expected no reason for therapy as it would just reinforce the event and give it too much emphasis. That is the advice I followed and for us it worked out ok. At that point I used the skills that Marg outlined. [B]But[/B] I strongly feel that you need to hook up with the other Mom. I don't feel there should be any accusations. To me it makes sense to simply say "X we both have challenging sons. Sometimes they make poor choices and it is hard to know what they are thinking. Have you ever looked through your son's ipod when he is not around? It's possible that if you do that there may be some inappropriate information that you will find. Meanwhile I think the two boys are not a good friendship combination at this time but hope we will be able to remain friendly." Something like that will give a head's up but not be accusatory. The ball will be in her court. Meanwhile you can seek out a play camp, sport or other children's activity to fill the void for difficult child. It is an awkward and scarey position to be in but I honestly believe he has to be addressed. Hopefully your friend will take heed and not play ostrich like my former neighbor did. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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