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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 451224" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I must admit, that bothers me too. But the complexity in this - think about the end result we would want, ideally. We would want, if something bad is happening to Jake, to see it stop and all involved to get help. We also want difficult child to be safe and to not feel bad about telling. We also want Jane to be okay with being told about your concerns.</p><p></p><p>Can this be achieved? If so, what is the best way to proceed? And if it cannot be achieved, then what can be salvaged out of this? What can still yet be achieved?</p><p></p><p>I remember when difficult child 1 was in his teens, he had a friend (a few years younger) whose older brother was supplying him with porn magazines which he would show to difficult child 1. I tried to report it to the parents but they said, "Boys will be boys," and did nothing. I do not believe in that situation that there was any abuse, but the younger boy did begin to run with a bad crowd. The older boy was also a bit of a problem. Over time the younger boy grew up a bit, stopped being such a problem and went straight. He is now a hard-working local bricklayer, just an average guy. Says hi when he sees me.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure if this problem with Jake is in the same category. We can't know. What to do - it can be a matter of evaluating the chance of success against the ramifications of failure. Will intervention make things worse? What if Jake turns the story around and claims it has been difficult child molesting him, who put the porn on the iPod, etc? What if CPS gets called on you? Are you ready to handle what happens next?</p><p></p><p>Jake is staying away for now. Will he continue to stay away? easy child was left alone because it was feared he would tell. difficult child was approached instead but he has now told. Who will Jake approach next? </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to seem so inconsistent here, but this really is a no-win situation. I think you have to consider your own needs in this. And your own needs include being able to live with whatever outcome results from your choices.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 451224, member: 1991"] I must admit, that bothers me too. But the complexity in this - think about the end result we would want, ideally. We would want, if something bad is happening to Jake, to see it stop and all involved to get help. We also want difficult child to be safe and to not feel bad about telling. We also want Jane to be okay with being told about your concerns. Can this be achieved? If so, what is the best way to proceed? And if it cannot be achieved, then what can be salvaged out of this? What can still yet be achieved? I remember when difficult child 1 was in his teens, he had a friend (a few years younger) whose older brother was supplying him with porn magazines which he would show to difficult child 1. I tried to report it to the parents but they said, "Boys will be boys," and did nothing. I do not believe in that situation that there was any abuse, but the younger boy did begin to run with a bad crowd. The older boy was also a bit of a problem. Over time the younger boy grew up a bit, stopped being such a problem and went straight. He is now a hard-working local bricklayer, just an average guy. Says hi when he sees me. I'm not sure if this problem with Jake is in the same category. We can't know. What to do - it can be a matter of evaluating the chance of success against the ramifications of failure. Will intervention make things worse? What if Jake turns the story around and claims it has been difficult child molesting him, who put the porn on the iPod, etc? What if CPS gets called on you? Are you ready to handle what happens next? Jake is staying away for now. Will he continue to stay away? easy child was left alone because it was feared he would tell. difficult child was approached instead but he has now told. Who will Jake approach next? I'm sorry to seem so inconsistent here, but this really is a no-win situation. I think you have to consider your own needs in this. And your own needs include being able to live with whatever outcome results from your choices. Marg [/QUOTE]
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