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Food suggestions...please help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 276682" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Trish, it's a matter of finding a happy medium. We do need to avoid bending over backwards to accomodate a child who is simply being picky. But we also need to be aware that with sensory integration issues, the usual parental authority when imposed, can lead to warfare. We should never become a slave to our child's faddishness because that is the way to create a spoilt brat and a kid who calls the shots. But there are times when we need to give consideration to a child who has big problems with certain tastes and textures. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 refusing to eat chicken because she's had it too much lately - too bad. I would accomodate her but only as far as I could plan ahead and avoid it. I wouldn't rush out and buy something special just for her, if it was just a matter of "one gets so tired of chicken..." However, neither would I buy bulk chicken and expect to feed it to my family every night with no change. </p><p></p><p>Cooking with variety is something to aim for, not only to avoid the boredom factor but also to keep up enough variety, to challenge kids who prefer sameness and predictability. But if you have a kid who has already 'shut down' in terms of narrowing their food choices (which generally only happens with a kid who is a serious difficult child in terms of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) etc), you need to work back towards variety, not simply go into "I am the parent" mode.</p><p></p><p>I grew up with a mother who would not compromise. We also couldn't afford to waste food, which was plain and budget. Her method of trying to get me to eat, was to chop unliked vegetables up into tiny pieces, so I wouldn't find them. But it only made me even more finicky about hunting for everytiny little piece. Capsicum, for example. I hated it. The flavour was just too strong. I was still made to eat it and found that if I avoided biting into it, I could avoid inhaling the fragrance of it (hence the taste) I vividly remember hating it (I quite like it now). I would find every piece and cut it small enough for me to swallow it whole. Despite having a mother who was definitely the boss of the menu and who never catered to me separately, I still had very strong likes and dislikes, and mealtimes were battlegrounds. She could have so easily made life easier - giving me raw vegetables instead of cooked, for example. That is something I will do for my kids even now - if my kids will happily eat a raw carrot, that is what I give them instead of going to the trouble to cook all of it. I simply separate out some of the carrot before cooking, and put the raw carrot sticks on the kids' plates.</p><p></p><p>Some food faddishness can become worse if you pander to it, but in a lot of cases with difficult children especially those with autism-related issues, the more you force it, the worse you can make it.</p><p></p><p>So we found a compromise - when there is a different food, or one previously rejected, we ask difficult child 3 to have a taste. We have a glass of water handy at his request (to rinse his mouth out, washing away any unpleasant taste) but the rule is, he MUST have a taste. If he doesn't like it, we have his requested alternative available. I won't serve up something entirely new to him and not have something familiar also available. But he also knows that we won't waste food, nor allow it to be wasted by anyone else. So he can have his raw carrot, but I will ask him to taste my steamed honey carrots too. I know he will like it.</p><p></p><p>For example - he loves spaghetti bolognese (my recipe). He would eat it exclusively. But maybe I've cooked a new curry. I'll get difficult child 3 to have a taste of my serve and to then decide - will he eat a serve of curry? Sometimes I can tempt him with the promise to give him a small serve of spaghetti bolognese after he eats a small serve of curry. If he knows he can have what he knows he likes, he is more likely to take a chance and have a taste.</p><p></p><p>By pushing the "have a taste, no obligations", we are keeping his palate challenged and his tastes as broad as possible.</p><p></p><p>However, often the problem goes way beyond a child trying to use food to control us.</p><p></p><p>Trish, your methods sound similar to ours. However, we did have to modify what we cooked on a regular basis, in order to have enough "win" cases. For example, if I cook steak-and-kidney, although we might like the overall flavour, nobody will eat it. I buy corn on the cob and cook it, but I know that husband won't eat it. So I make it for me and difficult child 3. When the girls had braces of the kids were going through the tooth fairy stage, corn on the cob was off-limits to them. Whether we like to admit it or not, we do modify the menu to meet the varying tastes and preferences of the family.</p><p></p><p>But you are right - we mustn't let it get out of control and become the main focus for the family dinner table. We have done our best to keep it all as low-key as possible, to reduce the chances of the kid using it to control.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 276682, member: 1991"] Trish, it's a matter of finding a happy medium. We do need to avoid bending over backwards to accomodate a child who is simply being picky. But we also need to be aware that with sensory integration issues, the usual parental authority when imposed, can lead to warfare. We should never become a slave to our child's faddishness because that is the way to create a spoilt brat and a kid who calls the shots. But there are times when we need to give consideration to a child who has big problems with certain tastes and textures. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 refusing to eat chicken because she's had it too much lately - too bad. I would accomodate her but only as far as I could plan ahead and avoid it. I wouldn't rush out and buy something special just for her, if it was just a matter of "one gets so tired of chicken..." However, neither would I buy bulk chicken and expect to feed it to my family every night with no change. Cooking with variety is something to aim for, not only to avoid the boredom factor but also to keep up enough variety, to challenge kids who prefer sameness and predictability. But if you have a kid who has already 'shut down' in terms of narrowing their food choices (which generally only happens with a kid who is a serious difficult child in terms of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) etc), you need to work back towards variety, not simply go into "I am the parent" mode. I grew up with a mother who would not compromise. We also couldn't afford to waste food, which was plain and budget. Her method of trying to get me to eat, was to chop unliked vegetables up into tiny pieces, so I wouldn't find them. But it only made me even more finicky about hunting for everytiny little piece. Capsicum, for example. I hated it. The flavour was just too strong. I was still made to eat it and found that if I avoided biting into it, I could avoid inhaling the fragrance of it (hence the taste) I vividly remember hating it (I quite like it now). I would find every piece and cut it small enough for me to swallow it whole. Despite having a mother who was definitely the boss of the menu and who never catered to me separately, I still had very strong likes and dislikes, and mealtimes were battlegrounds. She could have so easily made life easier - giving me raw vegetables instead of cooked, for example. That is something I will do for my kids even now - if my kids will happily eat a raw carrot, that is what I give them instead of going to the trouble to cook all of it. I simply separate out some of the carrot before cooking, and put the raw carrot sticks on the kids' plates. Some food faddishness can become worse if you pander to it, but in a lot of cases with difficult children especially those with autism-related issues, the more you force it, the worse you can make it. So we found a compromise - when there is a different food, or one previously rejected, we ask difficult child 3 to have a taste. We have a glass of water handy at his request (to rinse his mouth out, washing away any unpleasant taste) but the rule is, he MUST have a taste. If he doesn't like it, we have his requested alternative available. I won't serve up something entirely new to him and not have something familiar also available. But he also knows that we won't waste food, nor allow it to be wasted by anyone else. So he can have his raw carrot, but I will ask him to taste my steamed honey carrots too. I know he will like it. For example - he loves spaghetti bolognese (my recipe). He would eat it exclusively. But maybe I've cooked a new curry. I'll get difficult child 3 to have a taste of my serve and to then decide - will he eat a serve of curry? Sometimes I can tempt him with the promise to give him a small serve of spaghetti bolognese after he eats a small serve of curry. If he knows he can have what he knows he likes, he is more likely to take a chance and have a taste. By pushing the "have a taste, no obligations", we are keeping his palate challenged and his tastes as broad as possible. However, often the problem goes way beyond a child trying to use food to control us. Trish, your methods sound similar to ours. However, we did have to modify what we cooked on a regular basis, in order to have enough "win" cases. For example, if I cook steak-and-kidney, although we might like the overall flavour, nobody will eat it. I buy corn on the cob and cook it, but I know that husband won't eat it. So I make it for me and difficult child 3. When the girls had braces of the kids were going through the tooth fairy stage, corn on the cob was off-limits to them. Whether we like to admit it or not, we do modify the menu to meet the varying tastes and preferences of the family. But you are right - we mustn't let it get out of control and become the main focus for the family dinner table. We have done our best to keep it all as low-key as possible, to reduce the chances of the kid using it to control. Marg [/QUOTE]
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