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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 362280" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Oh, I should say, easy child (11) spoke on this to me the other day. She said she likes how her dad and I get along, how my S/O and her dads now wife and all of us, can be together for her plays, hockey games, choir performances, etc and that we can discuss her with each other and get along. She says other kids parents at school fight so badly and she's grateful we don't and makes a world of difference to her. She said that she's glad we do her holidays and birthdays seperate though, so that my side of family can celebrate with her, and then another one with her fathers side. When her dad and I were together, we'd do say for a birthday: a dinner/party with family from both of our sides. However Christmas etc was not celebrated with both of her families. We'd all do stuff with my family and a different day do stuff with my ex's family. She says that it is no different now than it was, except that its only one parent at those functions. She thought it would be weird now that she's "over" the whole birthday party thing (with classmates etc) to have a joint birthday with me and S/O, along with her dad and her new step mom. I happen to agree. Even if her dad and I were both single, now that its not a matter of one parent missing a big party (not cool), it would be weird for HER to have a sit down dinner with he and I and her. Wrong setting = strange (for easy child). I wonder if people who do it ALL together are just afraid to let go. They divorce but can't move on or accept that they won't be there for every memory, but can alternatly make their own special ones? easy child is a wise girl. She said that if we'd been overboard with sharing every thing together, she'd never have accepted that her dad and I weren't getting back together and she'd still be waiting for it to happen. I sometimes wonder if best intentions can be the idea but in practice are a bit off the mark. It may seem like a healthy plan of attack for your bro and sister in law right now, it might work out htat way, but there's always the flip side, and it could be making this more difficult in terms of dreams/fantasies for their child too. </p><p>I'm a believer, protect the kids, be good parents, but kids do adapt if parents help them in a healthy manner. I wonder if perhaps post divorce, Bro and sister in law aren't perhaps getting nostalgic and I have to wonder if they are still looking for a new chance together. Funny how those who can't stand being married, end up divorced, and some of them end up entwined so deeply afterwards you wonder where THAT communicaiton and effort was in the marriage. Some forget quickly it wasn't healthy, thus divorce. I'm babbling a bit, but it's kind of struck something in me with my cousins history with her ex and my situaiton with easy child's dad. Sounds to me like maybe your bro and sister in law aren't ready to move on at all. Thus their child is also stuck in limbo, kinda must feel like the worlds longest divorce in some ways, are they or aren't they? That's what I'd think as a child, I could be oversensitive though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 362280, member: 4264"] Oh, I should say, easy child (11) spoke on this to me the other day. She said she likes how her dad and I get along, how my S/O and her dads now wife and all of us, can be together for her plays, hockey games, choir performances, etc and that we can discuss her with each other and get along. She says other kids parents at school fight so badly and she's grateful we don't and makes a world of difference to her. She said that she's glad we do her holidays and birthdays seperate though, so that my side of family can celebrate with her, and then another one with her fathers side. When her dad and I were together, we'd do say for a birthday: a dinner/party with family from both of our sides. However Christmas etc was not celebrated with both of her families. We'd all do stuff with my family and a different day do stuff with my ex's family. She says that it is no different now than it was, except that its only one parent at those functions. She thought it would be weird now that she's "over" the whole birthday party thing (with classmates etc) to have a joint birthday with me and S/O, along with her dad and her new step mom. I happen to agree. Even if her dad and I were both single, now that its not a matter of one parent missing a big party (not cool), it would be weird for HER to have a sit down dinner with he and I and her. Wrong setting = strange (for easy child). I wonder if people who do it ALL together are just afraid to let go. They divorce but can't move on or accept that they won't be there for every memory, but can alternatly make their own special ones? easy child is a wise girl. She said that if we'd been overboard with sharing every thing together, she'd never have accepted that her dad and I weren't getting back together and she'd still be waiting for it to happen. I sometimes wonder if best intentions can be the idea but in practice are a bit off the mark. It may seem like a healthy plan of attack for your bro and sister in law right now, it might work out htat way, but there's always the flip side, and it could be making this more difficult in terms of dreams/fantasies for their child too. I'm a believer, protect the kids, be good parents, but kids do adapt if parents help them in a healthy manner. I wonder if perhaps post divorce, Bro and sister in law aren't perhaps getting nostalgic and I have to wonder if they are still looking for a new chance together. Funny how those who can't stand being married, end up divorced, and some of them end up entwined so deeply afterwards you wonder where THAT communicaiton and effort was in the marriage. Some forget quickly it wasn't healthy, thus divorce. I'm babbling a bit, but it's kind of struck something in me with my cousins history with her ex and my situaiton with easy child's dad. Sounds to me like maybe your bro and sister in law aren't ready to move on at all. Thus their child is also stuck in limbo, kinda must feel like the worlds longest divorce in some ways, are they or aren't they? That's what I'd think as a child, I could be oversensitive though. [/QUOTE]
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